Today we became those people...

The one's you find wandering around organic wholefoods stores. You know the ones; the people who pay $10 for four crackers that have fewer ingredients than normal. Not that we actually did pay that price. Honestly one doesn't miss crackers that much L

The whole thing started innocently enough. We were looking for a loaf of gluten free bread make by a certain company. Most of them taste so bad that when you find one that is edible untoasted you stick with it. We used to get it from the markets, but the woman there is so unreliable... one of those people who won't take names 'cos she will remember... and never does.

So we went to the first local store to place a regular order and while there managed to acquire some glorious dried figs, the kind with the sugar crystallised on the outside of them. He snatched the bag out of one's hand and ate the last one... the bastard! There was also a small block of white chocolate for Him and some liquorice tea for one small slave. The blood pressure is so damn low at the moment that one needs all the help one can get... besides, love liquorice tea J

Then we moved further afield to the next one who actually had a loaf of the bread in question and while there some fresh peanut butter also found its way in the bag. And that's how it begins people...

An innocent beginning...

That ends up with normal people crossing over to the expensive side...

And one of them falling into a carb coma after scarfing down two bacon butties, made on that bread and slathered in mayonnaise, for dinner.

Sobs this is what that gluten sensitivity has reduced us to... an evening of folding laundry alone!

Does practice make perfect

Thinking about ancilla_ksst's comment yesterday it got one to wondering if there is something to the idea that the possibility of forever is predicated on the believing our own experiences. She believes in forever because that is what she has witnessed. He believes in forever because his family don't do divorces... well apart from his sister, but her bad taste in men is almost the stuff of legends.

Whispers honestly the more time one spends with His family the more one suspects that he isn't related to her at all.

Generally though, the women in His family come out of the womb singing stand by your man. That's not to say they aren't feisty and woe betide the fool that thinks they are otherwise, but divorce is not usually an option. And His grandmother had just cause. His grandfather was such a keen angler that the man had to move his family to a larger town with a bigger pond.

He used to say forever in the beginning of our relationship and one used to say forever is a very long time. Frankly given one's track record as a serial leaver the expectations weren't high. In fact the very idea used to make one hyperventilate just thinking about it. The trick one discovered was not to think about it, but just accept it the way He did.

That's not to say one always found it easy. It goes against everything a person like oneself believes in. But then one came from a family where the men disappeared... often overnight. And when they did get back together it was to conduct particularly bloody divorces. They were the sorts of divorces that dragged the children through the courts, along with any other dirty laundry that could be unearthed. 

Being a planner there was always a contingency plan, a backup plan, a quick escape route and/ or a safety net. It was how one always did relationships... one eye on the door and the other on the suitcase.  At the first sign of trouble that relationship would be burned and one would be off into the wild blue yonder and the next relationship. Yet here we are all these years later and He is still the love of one's life. 

These days He says forever and one breathes quite normally. Well the heart does a little lurch, but it's not the panicked kind. In fact it's kind of affirming. 
Besides, the suitcase seems to be missing J

Times change

There was a time when two people got married and made a commitment 'til death us do part. They were considered committed to an idea, honourable and ready to be married. It didn't mean they were actually ready for the reality of it all and gods know there were some who should never have been encouraged to walk down the aisle together. And yes some did have affairs and children with other people and all the messy stuff that humans do.

Yet nevertheless there they were, married to each other for better or worse. There was a belief that forever meant if not just that then there was going to be a stab in that direction... together. There were even a few who were happy and learnt to muddle through it together. Like so many things practice makes perfect.

Now in a BDSM relationship when people talk about forever, no leaving, feet first baby they are called delusional, dangerous and worse, threatened with the eternal conversation about limb chopping kittehs... or is that masters? After a while that conversation becomes this slightly psychedelic swirl of blood and screams with this maniacal cackle in the background... or was that a Pink Floyd number? But one does digress... as usual.

The thing is as a passing observation one has to wonder...

Isn't it a strange thing that the people who believe in forever are usually in long term relationships, while those who call them delusional usually aren't? 

The games people play

Lying on the bed with arms pinned above the head, one thought it was a good moment to point out that lying there was not consent.

You can say no He replied, as his other hand roamed around poking and prodding. I'm happy to play that game.

No is not a game!

It could be, was His response.

Sighs sometime He doesn't take one seriously at all L

Here endith the sniffing

The day started with a windows update. For those of you who have it you know what that means, getting up and finding that nothing responds quite the way it used to. So two restarts later the mouse was finally acknowledged... sighs see living proof that you don't have to actually provide a service that works first time to become a global giant :(

All of this fun conspired to jam up against the need to go for a run before work... yes that was the other issue that capped off the morning... work. Need one really say more?

By the time one got home it was a pleasure to do something soothing like make Him lunch. So there one was busily filling his lunch box with a freshly roasted pork sandwich, buffalo cheese and sundried tomato tartlets, smoked salmon rolls and a small salad when He emerged early to turn back on the spotlight.

You know as an aside growing up one's favourite cartoon character was always Pepe Le Pew. It was all that persistence in the face of misunderstanding. Persistence that we now recognise and label as stalker behaviour and sexual harassment... sometimes time is not the great healer that people claim. To be honest He rather reminds one of Pepe...

And to be honest, stuck at the kitchen bench with hands covered in food as one was, while He proceeded to press up against one small slave and grope naked body parts, one rather looked like poor Penelope from that cartoon. In fact one suspects that the expression on the face was exactly like hers...

Resistance is futile. 

Micro breaks

Today was one of those days where noting really eventful happens. He was...distracted and busy in his own head which means one isn't the focus of all his attention. In the beginning of our relationship when this used to happen it was like someone had turned off the searchlight. These days one takes it for what it is... not exactly a holiday, but a moment of relaxation. It's sort of like when you take a minute to sniff a flower in someone else's garden. It is a passing, momentary thing, but no less fragrant for it.

So if you will excuse one small slave...

Flowers need to be sniffed J

Advice column

What's the one bit of advice you would give to someone contemplating becoming a slave?

At the time we were curled up in bed contemplating sex... sex that though enjoyable would probably hurt one of us. He asks the weirdest things at the oddest times...

Don't do it, was the unhesitating reply.

Really?

Yeah, really! Seriously if you are of sound mind enough to be contemplating it, then you sure as hell are not ready to actually do it. Only the slightly unhinged would seriously contemplate this as a way of life.

He was quiet for a moment... a rare turn of events might one add. Seriously, that would be your advice?

Yeah. Probably closely followed by run, while you still can.

His eyebrow rose to epic heights in questioning disbelief forcing one to add...

Look say you've managed to get someone who wants to do this. Generally speaking you have two types of people who enter into this. Those that have a very clear idea of what they want and they don't want their potential partner reading someone else's shit... except in the broadest sense... and getting stupid ideas they are going to have to undo. They want that clean receptive slate because it's less work.

The second type is like us who drifted into this after a lot of getting to know each other. You had ideas, one small slave had ideas and we messed around until we found what worked for us. There was a lot of trial and error. What there wasn't was a lot of complete strangers telling you what to do or giving advice...

Look we work because difficult though one is... that was more of a working premise than an admission of guilt... as a person one is remarkably unattached to those things people hold dear like names, personal identity, style. All those nebulous things that we call a sense of self which often cause the biggest stumbling blocks in one of these relationships.

Most people go into relationship thinking I am not going to change... it's probably the biggest cause of divorce thinking about it. We've been sold on this idea of a soul mate that will get us and love us just the way we are. Personally one goes into a relationship thinking what will make this work? Adaption is always the answer. As a person one has adapted to your needs.

Take the wardrobe for example. There isn't a thing in there that hasn't on some level been dictated by you. Even when we go out shopping if the hand lights on something and your lip curls that item is dropped immediately. We do that repeatedly until one can predict your taste... well at least where one's own wardrobe is concerned... within certain parameters. That makes you happy therefore one small slave is happy.

You have done this in all areas of the relationship consciously and unconsciously. You have overwritten one's tastes and desires to the point that one is hazy about where you stop and one begins. After nearly 17 years it is a reflex and one that isn't questioned at all. It simply is.

See that's what they do. They overwrite your very essence, your sense of self, your style, even your soul if you believe in such a thing. Why on earth would you advise someone to do that? Who would want that on their conscience?

So if you are reading this and contemplating embarking in a BDSM relationship...

Run. Run now! As fast as you can...

There, a clean conscience J