Three easy rules...

To make everything go tits up on a thread...

1. Ask a question, preferably one that is just outside the parameters of the group. 

2. Come back to complain about the answers. 

3. Give more information that does nothing to improve people's perception of the situation. 

4. Do a dirty delete of the thread.

Oh wait, that was four. Let's just say it progressed shall we?

This and so much more brought to you by five minutes on Fet... when it's not down :)

The handy Fet survivalist guide

Lesson 2.3

After you join Fet you spend some time joining groups. Now when you do that they make you read the rules, 'cos each one is run like a small fiefdom... mainly because you couldn't employ anyone to police them any other way. When you have done that, you click a little button that declares you have read the rules and agree to abide by them.

Now pay attention people because this is the handy bit...

What not to do...

1. Do not read the rules and think that they do not apply to you

2. Do not only read the bits in red... all the white stuff is important too  

3. Do not be surprised that if you break those rules that bad things will happen...

In fact they may follow you all the way to your journal entries when you run there to whine about how you were mistreated.

Yes that is right. They will mock you mercilessly... as long as you keep whining in fact.

4. Do not try and justify your behaviour behind a cloak of they are elitist, exclusionary, marginalising meany heads

It won't matter how tightly you try and pull that cloak of indignation about you...

You will be mocked mercilessly.

 In a direct proportion to how marginalised the group's members were when they founded their little fiefdom. That's right. The more you tell them they and their group is wrong, the more resistance you will meet until they are openly deriding you... all over Fet.

The message here people is very simple...

Don't like a group you have joined, don't think your valiant attempts at telling them they are wrong will make a whit of difference... well except to their amusement levels... most aren't adverse to that at all.

Don't like it? Leave... leave quietly and don't look back

The survivalists guide to Fet

In a reply to a post the other day tori made some interesting comments and one thought they were worthy of looking at. To be honest one figured she wasn't alone in some of the issues and views she had and thought this might be of value to others. Hopefully it may make some of you have an easier time of it.

Her first comment was...

I joined fet quite recently but found it difficult to navigate, perhaps i didnt give it enough time to get used to!

When one first arrived on Fet the choices were very limited. The Ms group was open to all comers and that... well the reason many of us left the last public place was the complications that arose from that type of arangement. So one pottered around the edges reading and catching up with those one knew from other places. We clustered together behind the scenes, using the memo system so thoughtfully provided, whilst marshalling our forces. Starting up a group was a natural progression...

Having said that Fet is a shit of a place to navigate in some ways. Honestly the best way to get around Fet, if you are a blogger/ reader, is to stalk those you know from the blogosphere... they often have the same nic. Then stalk their friends... see where they go, who they hang out with and work out what interests you and what doesn't.

Search groups by interest... what are you interested in, how do you self identify... oddly enough one will never be a member of the Submissive Women group.... and those groups that are just generally interesting to read even though you may not be the intended demographic. If nothing else some of it can spark interesting conversations at home J

I did join a few groups but to be honest i found they could be quite cliche, like being back at school where there are the...'the cool ones' 'the nerds' 'the loners' etc

Now Fet is an odd site in that it provides the arena and anyone can come along and start up a group. Each group runs itself like small fiefdoms. Those who start it make the rules and enforce them... and like any small holding some are better run than others. By their very nature they are going to be a clique. As one has said before a clique isn't necessarily a bad thing, it depends on the leader and the intent.

Plus i can be quite outspoken and thats not always appreciated especially if it goes against the 'one twue way' lo

Ah now this brings us to a very interesting point. Most groups don't have a problem with outspoken... there are some notable exceptions... see that comment above about how some things are run. Where the troubles usually arise is when people can't distinguish between being outspoken and not respecting a groups boundaries. And though one can't imagine tori doing these things, one does see people committing the same tactical errors repeatedly. Hell they do it in our group with alarming frequency L

So let's have a look at the sure fired ways of putting your foot in it so badly that you are going to need a surgical team to extract it.

The top ten are...

1. Not checking if the group you are joining is actually an appropriate fit... just because you think it is doesn't mean others will see it that way
2. Not actually reading the rules in spite of "saying" you have... no one likes a fibber
3. Not taking the time to read the stickies... chances are someone has already done your half your work for you... no need to torture them further
4. Posting things that are off topic to the group or the thread... we get that you want to share... just exercise some caution in the beginning until you get a feel of the place. If in doubt contact the group owner or mods... they are usually only too happy to help... it saves mopping up afterwards
5. Posting things that don't actually say what you mean... words are funny things... the written word is often less so.
6. Telling others they are doing it wrong... this includes heavily implying it as well
7. Telling others they are not doing it the one true way... it doesn't make them feel much else besides relieved and annoyed in equal parts
8. Using the word true... it's like red rags to a bull in any context... except in jest and even then it can be hard to tell it apart in a written medium
9. Using broad sweeping statements and then trying to defend them against all odds when people call you on your shit
10. Outing yourself as a complete twonk and then trying to back track/ defend it... see point above... actually see all points above

Those things are very different from being outspoken. They are things that bug the crap out of people and make them swarm all over your arse... violently. And being new will not save you... ignorance is no defence J

At the end of the day the best advice one can give is simply this...

Before you post ask yourself on a scale of 1-10 how invested am I? If it is floating round an eight it is probably time to walk away and do something else... before you hit say it!

A quick whack rack

We have boxes of toys (many of them untried due to time restraints) under the bed... there is even a spike missile box at the end of it full of assorted gear as well. The trouble was none of it provided suitable storage for things like floggers. For a while there they hung off the bed head... which while a little too convenient was also a finite space. So one small slave decided to end all of the aggravation and find something better... and it wasn't until looking for something on the blog that one realised that there had been no follow up.

Now it is no small secret that one loves power tools more than most and that slightly unhealthy obsession runs to  hardware stores as well. They are a constant source of wonder and inspiration. So with a happy heart we set out to find something to hang a few floggers on...

It was at our local hardware chain that we found this shelf from a Rack It garage shelving system. It was a good size being 600mmx900mm (24.5"x37") and a perfect design for invisible mounting on a wall.

So the shelf, along with a piece of timber a bit smaller than the slots, a couple of screws, some wall plugs and off we set.

It was a simple matter of cutting the timber to length and wall mounting them horizontally, before popping the shelf up and drilling a couple of screws in through the metal and the timer.

And there you are a perfect whack rack...

Just add a few butchers' hooks and hang your weapons toys.

This is ideal to shove in the back of a closet, behind a curtain or door, or as in our case, where you can't miss it J

Njoyment

Sitting here one realised that with all the stuff one has written about the Njoy there has been very little about the practicalities of them like inserting them. It is sort of forefront of one's mind at the moment as one eases back into them after a small absence. When casually mentioning to Him what one was writing about, he gave some of his own helpful tips... sort of the "what not to do" variety. For the record treating them like a tomato sauce bottle and smacking them in is not a good idea, nor are other assorted sporting approaches such as bowling and trowing the damn thing.  

To be honest one has always found it easier to insert them alone. Mind you having read the above may have given some clues as to why this is. Really the secret is to find what works for you. They can be inserted in any position that enables you to reach comfortably. And as with all things sexual it helps if you are relaxed J

There is no right way up on the Njoy Pure Plug. Having chatted to a lot of long term users there seems to be an even split on point up or down. Personally one prefers point up as it seems to nestle between the cheeks better. It is one of those things that you will have to experiment with for yourselves.

Taking a good quality lube (one prefers silicone for long term wear as it doesn't come off easily), one prepares the arse by smearing lube inside it with a finger and then two fingers to gently stretch the sphincter muscles. Then one runs the Njoy under hot water 'cos it feels so much nicer warm, and then smears it with lube as well. Warming it also helps prevent the sphincter muscle cramping up... honestly they can be like getting pills down a cat when they are of that mind.

To insert it one stands feet apart leaning braced with one arm on the wall. For some reason it seems to give a better angle and leverage. Pressing the tip of it against the sphincter one applies an even pressure which causes it to give. Maintaining that pressure one waits for the sphincter to start gobbling it up. Which it will do quite nicely if you are relaxed... and it renders the tomato sauce bottle approach unnecessary J

Then the best thing to do is to wear it until it becomes uncomfortable. The idea is to increase the wear time over the course of a few days. Personally one finds it easier to wear them overnight than during the day... being active they have a tendency to make their presence felt more at that time. As with all things though be sensible... pain is the bodies was of saying stop!

A beginner's guide to butt plugs

It occurred, as one was reading back through the anal guides, that there are a few of you who are starting out and in some cases very anal shy, in which case this blog is probably just not very useful to you. But there was a time one was just like you... and look at how that ended. Now that may not be your ambition, but there are some tricks that can make anal a lot easier and one thought it would be good to share some of those personal experiences with you.

The plug:
Ideally it should be flexible and soft.
Chose a silicone based jelly (sil-a-gel) for your first anal toy because it is very flexible or silicone if there is likely to be any allergy issues.

Select one about the size of your finger for starters.

If you can get a graduated set so much the better, but if not then keep an eye out for a next size up... don't get too keen J

The lube:

Get something very thick and viscous. A lot of guys use Crisco as lube and it works well by all accounts.

Generally with silicone plugs you can't use silicone lube, which is a shame as it is an ideal texture. The reason for that incompatibility is that silicone is made from sand, and even though you can't feel it there is a school of thought that says it is like two objects wearing against each other and over time it will degrade the toy.  Now having said all of that the very high grade silicone toys state you can use that type of lube with them so if in doubt check the packaging.

The position:

Oddly enough one of the best starting positions (even for anal sex) is on your side. It is comfortable and you can still reach.

Conversely on your back is one of the most difficult and something to work up to.

The trick is to find one that works for you because ideally when doing this, being able to masturbate will help relax the sphincter.

Starting out:

Make sure you are relaxed and comfortable; you could be doing this for a while.

Generally it is easier to insert a plug when you are aroused... everything relaxes.

Apply a generous amount of lube to your finger... If you are squeamish you will find finger gloves at your pharmacy. They look like little condoms and are used for a variety of purposes including inserting suppositories... and insert the lube just inside the anus by gently pushing it in.

When you are comfortable with this sensation lube up the toy and gently insert it. Take your time. Once you have got the tip in hold it firmly in place. You will feel the anal sphincter muscles contracting and if you apply pressure they will actually draw the toy in.

This process may take a few goes and if it does don't despair or get upset. Everybody is different and while some are very relaxed and elastic, there are those who are just tight. Often they are the ones who have the most difficulty and have had bad experiences which make them very reluctant to do it... ever again.

What now:

Once you have got the toy in just leave it there.

Stand up walk around a bit and get used to it.

If there is any pain remove it.

They can be left in for extended periods providing it is securely in place... and if you are a relaxed person the beginners size may creep in as you sleep so something to think about.

Should your plug disappear in that manner it can be removed by sitting on a toilet and gently bearing down... just relax and don't panic.

When you are ready you can remove it by gently pulling on it, generally it is easier if you masturbate as you do this.

Wash the toy as per the manufacturer's instructions and store it until next time.

Practise until the process is easy and then try the next size up.

Myth busters; The anal episode

Some time back one wrote a how to guide for wearing butt plugs  long term. Since then a few of you have tried it, wondered about it and occasionally asked questions... well more expressed some concerns... so one thought it was time to examine some of these. Again the same caveat as on the last one. This is personal experience and this is not for the squeamish or the sensitive.

Stop reading now if you are squeamish...

Myth 1.

People seem to confuse a butt plug and a dildo thinking they are the same thing.

A butt plug ideally looks a bit like a figure eight. It has a narrow waist in relationship to the body and the base. The dildo on the other hand looks more regular in circumference or it just gets progressively bigger like a traffic cone.

Myth 2.

Wearing a butt plug will make your arse stretched forever.

No it will not. Your arse is remarkable elastic... muscles are a wonderful thing. They bounce back at the first opportunity after being dilated by anything. Having said that use of butt plugs before anal sex will make your sphincter muscles a little less resistant to force being gently applied. That is why we wear butt plugs.

Myth 3.

The plug will fall in or out and it needs a harness to keep it in place.

Yes it will, depending on the type of plug. Ideally you want something that has a reasonable circumference, a narrow waist and a wide base.  If you use one that does not have a wide enough base all things are possible in the loss department because that external sphincter muscle is contracting regularly to keep you continent. The reason why Njoys are so popular with long term wearers, apart from the fact that they are easy to clean, is that the bases make it very hard to fall in and the shape makes it hard for them to come out... well unless you have one that has just been popped back in after anal sex. Again the arse will bounce back to hold it in place given a little time.

Myth 4.

Wearing a butt plug will cause incontinence.

The first thing that needs to be addressed here is the fact that there are two sets of sphincter muscles. The internal sphincter muscle is an involuntary group that responds to fear and anxiety and is quite different to the external sphincter, which is voluntary and unusual in that its natural state is contracted closed. They work in conjunction with a complex nerve system. If they, or the nerves, are damaged they work in very different ways. When the internal sphincter is damaged you will have bowel motions without realising it is happening, unlike the external ones where you will experience the need to find a bathroom... quickly.

Now unless they are actually damaged by something like constipation, disease or rectal prolapse, they will do their job because they bounce back when not stretched open. All a butt plug does is make anal sex easier... it is not a magic wand. You will still have to relax, use lube to prevent damage, masturbate or whatever you need to do to get them to relax enough for penetration.

Myth 5.

Wearing butt plugs will cause a rectal prolapse.

Now this one is a little tricky... No one seems to be sure, at least it hasn't been studied. Rectal prolapse is caused by many things; age, constipation, child birth, anal sex. Now having said that there is no evidence that men* who have anal are more likely to get rectal prolapse than the rest of the population, which leads one to postulate that there may be an underlying issue that is the actual cause and anal just exacerbates the issue.

Now in the case of plugs no one has done any studies... perhaps it might be an interesting thing to do. In part this may be that long term wearing is relatively new due to the advent of metal and glass plugs. There is a school of thought that Kegels will help and that doing it with a plug in place will help strengthen what is a rather weak muscular system. Again this is theoretical as no one has done studies... yet.

All one can say is so far so good... and mention that no one has come forward to claim otherwise.

Myth 6.

Bleeding is bad.

Again it can be. Occasionally anal sex can cause bleeding, the area is quite delicate. It can rip and tear during anything. Where it is a problem is if it doesn't stop after about 15-20 minutes. Then you need to go to the doctors because you can get fissures. Don't be shy. Just go. They have seen it all before and frankly you can get a fissure from a compacted bowel motion. It can be repaired.

In the case of butt plugs they generally help stop this happening... provided you use lube in the beginning and aren't just ramming the damn thing home... while making sound effects. That last one is optional.

Myth 7.

Things like tiger balm, Vicks and Icy Hot are acceptable forms of lube.

 Yeah, no they are not. Again the area is rather thin and fragile. Using those items actually thins the area further and... it's not pretty. While it might be fun to watch someone squirm around once in a while, it is not a suitable replacement for real lube.

* Having said that it is also worth noting those studies were done on gay men in comparison to the rest of the population... 'cos we all know straight guys don't like anal... cough, cough.

Back in the saddle... again

Well it has been a break from butt plugs and butt sex. Of course all holidays must end and this one did the other night. With far more force than necessary might one add. Mutters and that last little playful poke at it was just downright painful.

Yesterday He replaced the large njoy with himself. It kinda put things back in perspective, as one was reamed with enthusiasm. When He was finished it was patted affectionately, and He commented that it was getting so much easier that it was time to look at the 2.0 more seriously.

He decided that the 2.0 needed to spend more time out of its satin lined box, and more time where it was intended for last week. Of course illness got in the way of that plan. What one hadn't realised was that He was considering it instead of the large njoy. As in for long term wear... o.0

Now that 2.0 is the bane of ones existence. Not only is it heavy, but it is huge. The handle is too long and you can't sit comfortably, and the sheer size of it means that gas build up is an issue, even with the vents. There is a reason that one is always trying to palm it off to some other victim lucky recipient.

Despite the issues He is convinced that the body will adjust. He believes given enough practise it will be no worse than the large njoy, which is currently making that poor little orifice feel like it is on fire as we speak. Besides it will make getting the Eleven in there easier 'cos last time He couldn't get the big end in.

Oh yes people, He is doing all of this for one small slave to make her life easier. Stop sniggering you miserable bitches. Do you honestly think your owners will stop at the large? This will be you... just you wait and see.

Free to do what...

Yes gentle readers the collar is off. Why you may be asking. Well in this climate, at this time of the year, it hits about 89% humidity and it is like walking around in a steam bath. Not quite raining, but there is a permanent mist all around you. Everything grows some little member of the fungus family including your leathers and skin (if you don’t keep on top of it) simply because it is moist the whole time. Now as a person one doesn’t have any reactions to any type of metal, but just as rings will give you a rash underneath them so will the collar.

So here one is... uncollared. And it is very freeing. There is no being grabbed by it, there is no sound of tinking, there is no weight reminding you continually, you can put on moisturiser unimpeded... it is bliss. Sighs in luxurious pleasure.

For those of you who lust after a locking collar one has compiled a little list of things to think about before one snaps around your neck and it is too late.

·         They are heavy; about 225gms (8oz)

·         When worn long term they will leave an indent on your neck just like a ring will

·         Some people can have an allergic reaction to the nickel components of the stainless steel

·         They get in the way of simple things like applying moisturiser

·         They need to come off for things like x-rays of anything above the nipples

·         They have to come off for MRIs

·         Yes a drop of glue in the locking mechanism is hot... getting the damn thing cut off is not

·         You will never be able to sneak anywhere ever again... without a lot of practise

·         They are way too easy to grab and people will not save you... don’t underestimate the Bystander effect

·         They are hot... But you can wear one in a sauna unlike silver

·         They mean that you can kiss off most of the contents of your jewellery box... you know how they always say take off one item before you go out the door? The collar is not that item L

·         The public has no boundaries and you will get every BDSM reference they can think of, and they think nothing of making a grab for the damn thing

·         In a subtropical/ tropical climate they can be miserable at certain times of the year

Viva la revolucion!

Long term butt plug wearing

This is being posted because it is one of those things that people ask about frequently and this is an easier way of doing it... for one small slave at any rate. Some of this stuff is common knowledge and some of it is from trial and error so may not be universal. It is also worth mentioning that some of it is less than glamorous so you have been warned. 
Err... that means stop reading now if you are squeamish...

Selection:

•  Stainless steel is best for long term wear and there is plenty to choose from.
• Be aware that as your body gets used to them you may need to select a larger size, particularly if you are doing this to make anal sex easier. As they are expensive you might want to give this some consideration before ordering that cute little one.
• If you are wearing them 24/7 give some thought to the shape of your arse and the handle. The gems are pretty, but are wider than the Njoy.

Lube:

• Don’t be shy; use it, particularly in the beginning
• Get a good silicone based one rather than water. It lasts longer and doesn’t wash off so easily. “Back Door” by Pjur is the best one has found to date.

Time:

• Be sensible... work up to it. Don’t just ram the thing in and hope for the best. Wear it for a short time and increase it.
• If it hurts take it out and try again later

Gas:

• Your body produces a lot of it and you don’t realise how much until it can’t get out easily.
• If it builds up you will get cramps. Take it out for a while or wiggle it so the gas can escape.
• As the body gets used to the plug it will learn how to work around it. As the swelling goes down it will get easier.

Enemas:

• Are fun things to do but you don’t have to do a full one every time. It is much kinder to the body in the long run as continual enemas can strip out the natural lining of the bowel and you can get a lazy bowel... it stops contracting to expel.
• Use a bulb type enema (rectal syringe) standing up to give a quick flush where you need it and cause less problems

Diet and exercise:

You thought you were safe didn’t you J

• It is in your best interest to keep a good diet and exercise program with plenty of water. You want nice firm stools that come out cleanly rather than leaving a mess you have to clean up every time.
• The best way to do this is make sure you eat plenty of fibre and drink plenty of water.
• Stay away from foods that upset your stomach... it is a kindness

Miscellaneous:

• Do take the damn things out somewhere safe. If you drop one of them down a toilet they will crack the bowl
• They are heavy and slippery when removed and come out faster than you think...
• Stainless steel can be washed easily and they can be sterilised... do it on a regular basis
• They cannot fall in or out if they have a good base
• If it is cold, warm it first under some hot water... it cuts down on cramping
• The 2.0 is not for the faint-hearted or the novice... there are some issues with both the length of the handle which renders it hard to sit on, and that even with the fluting on the side venting gas is difficult. Strictly for the size queens in our midst L

A comparative study

For those of you who are contemplating stainless steel butt plugs... ahem N you lucky thing... this might make things easier...

At the top is the njoy 2.0 going clockwise is an extra large rosebud and a large njoy. It is a stock standard golf ball in the center for comparison.