Wrong, so wrong

Curled up in bed finally, after what felt like the longest day on earth at work, one small slave heaved a sigh of relief. One shift of four was completed, although dying death wasn't completely imminent and He was feeding the hell beast others would know as Ms Kitty. All might not be right in the world, but one was safely tucked up in bed and contemplating sleep. What could possibly go wrong?

What went wrong was He opened the door to espy parcels on the door step from our local postie. Now to be honest one has mixed feelings about that man. Historically  he has delivered some nasty arsed things in his time. In fact he is rather like Santa... the one that gives out both good and bad shit, unlike the benign one of Coke's creation.

Anyway this time he managed to do both in one visit. There was a soft, stretchy black dress that will be perfect for nipping out grocery shopping and visiting our vanillas and one that He chose. Now to be honest one hesitates to call it a dress. It looks more like a collection of strings held together with vertical elastic bands.

His taste in stripper apparel knows no bounds L

Wonders idly if it is possible to take out an order of protection against someone's clothing choices...

Found Under Carnal Knowledge

Today was one of those days... the not brilliant kind. Firstly the sore throat has expanded to include a runny nose, watery eyes and that lovely barking cough one has become so intimately acquainted with over the years.  The new glasses that we picked up today don't seem to be sitting quite right, but it is impossible to tell if that is an adjustment issue or if it is because the nose is so swollen and tender due to the above. Then we went to the doctors to pick up a script for the cholesterol medication and had a breast examination. The doctor found a small lump in the right breast.

Before you start to get worried some breasts are more prone to fatty lumps than others and they have been found in the past. Meanwhile all one has to do is get through this week and there will be two glorious weeks of holidays. Holidays, that at this stage, are set to be filled with new medication, optometrist visits, radiography and possibly a mammogram.

And we were wondering how we were going to fill up this time...

Strangely our vision included more anal...

Rather than being royally screwed by the body K

Plague house

People often wonder what happens when a slave is sick, but really the interesting question is what happens when you are both sick... at the same time. It is then that the relationship pecking order is revealed.

See there we were, both on the couch under our respective blankets dying of some unknown malady, when He asked will you get me a Pepsi. Now that was framed as a question... there was a definite lift to the last word that everyone knows signals a question...

Um... really rather not and you are closer. Now you would think that unassailable logic like that would win under the circumstances. Besides for one small and very sick slave to get there involved getting up and scrambling over Him. It is something that often requires more energy that the simple nature of the act would imply. It's all that dodging of the grabby hands one suspects, not to mention His legs which often seem to get in the way.

He smirked and then his hand reached up inside of the PJs and a finger was run along the side of the shin bone. Not sure about you people, but frankly it is a sensation that produces a disproportionate amount of pain and annoyance. Then the hand slid inside the bootie that was warming the foot and traced along the arch of the foot. Back and forth it ran like a nail on chalk board until one could stand it no longer. Snarling in defeat one flung off the covers and went to get HIm his damned Pepsi with all the surly grace that could be mustered.

The entire process took less than half a minute.

Master 1

Slave 0

Warning Will Robinson

We trotted over to our vanillas for an afternoon of a new RPG. They had been given their rule book to study and support material in the form of two TV shows to give them a feel of what they were supposed to be doing. Yes people, He gives homework assignments with his games. Oh don't worry his mini me likes to have house rules for all the games and delights in making manuals for them. See one isn't the pedant some of you think... one keeps company with twoo pedants.

Anyway we found that they had not done their assignments. In fact we found them in a state of shock. They were positively reeling from their news in fact. You see they are pregnant. Oh yes, two intelligent, well educated people had been having unprotected sex 'cos they thought they couldn't get pregnant anymore. And worse she relied on him to be responsible for it. Snickers oh gods are we going to give them grief for that.

What they didn't take into account was her loosing 20 kg (44 pounds) and him increasing sperm production and testosterone on this diet. If you want to get pregnant you lose weight if you are overweight, you exercise and you increase your protein intake. Check, check and check.

She is fluctuating between being delighted and ropable that she got so close to her goal weight and will now be getting fat again. He is suggesting names for the infant.

And watching this one couldn't help but wonder if some part of him isn't delighted at having found a way to sabotage his partner...

But that would be the deeply suspicious, paranoid pedant that isn't allowed out in company J

Rabbit tales

Did the blog post make you smile one enquired hopefully

Yes it did

Still it is a shame that you win. As a person one is fundamentally opposed to making you so happy

Ah now you see that is where you go wrong. Your ego...

And then the lecture went on for some time as He waxed lyrical about one's fundamental failure to allow the ego to be superseded by that desire to please him.

To be honest one was just back from the gym and had consumed an elicit apple... all that sugar was combining with the endorphins to give one a very pleasant buzz. Listening to His voice rise and fall in a slightly hypnotic cadence one did feel somewhat like a pupil at the feet of a guru. In fact one did ask if He could repeat all of that with an accent.

Bad, bad slave... hangs head in shame

Acquiescence would be easier

There is a fabulously entertaining thread going on Fet at the moment about the word no. It has given one more than a few hours of quiet giggles. And how could it not? It has stretched across the gamut of everyone has limits to kittehs being amputated.

Sitting here reading it, as one is informed vicariously (just not allowed to enter these sorts of debates and it seems like such a shame... they look like fun) yet again that one's life with Him is a figment of the imagination, one wonders once again at how we are doing it all wrong. You see one is allowed to say no. It just doesn't mean what others seem to think it means.

Around here the word no is almost like a barometer for how much He wants to do something. The more one says it, the more He becomes interested. You know thinking about it the word no is like running from a predator. It just makes them more curious. Perhaps one should just say yes Master.

Sighs either way He wins... it hardly seems fair L

The good, the bad and the oh dear

Like a lot of people in this country we love not only our computers, we have one of the highest rates of home computers in the world, but what you can access through them. From the comfort of our study we can reach out and buy almost anything we need. And there are many companies to facilitate just that thing. Of course in the land of online shopping the odd thing can go wrong...

Coming home, dodging the cat rather unsuccessfully, one plopped down the oversized work bag and the other bag, which is usually exclusively devoted to the schlepping of food, on the bench. It was there that one espied a small item of lingerie. Picking it up with care one spun it to the light wondering what on earth He was thinking when he ordered the item. Well one rather knows what He was thinking... it was more wondering how Pinky and Perky were going to fit into the damn thing. There was enough padding in it for two A cup girls to have some left over.

Then one realised that not only was it black baby doll with a red lace trim, but that there was a luminous metallic green woven in amongst the red. Sighing one put it down wondering if Masters should be allowed to shop unsupervised. To be honest one deeply suspects that they shouldn't... but who is going to tell them that... and live to tell the tale. Bags not one small slave

Wandering into the study and the source of this small piece of tackiness one found a note explaining it was not what He ordered. He has contacted the company and is awaiting their response...

Meanwhile someone out there is probably wondering where their lingerie is...

We certainly are K