Another idle thought or two

As you know we do love a good online store, particularly those who offer multiple companies from around the world. The great joy of being off season to the rest of the world, well the parts that count, is that you can pick up the odd bargain. But that is not what this is about. No this is about the odd thoughts that occur as one peruses the pages clutching morning mouse...

The world is full of ugly clothes and if a nearly six foot model can't make them look good, how in the hell are the rest of the worlds mere mortals supposed to wear them? And why is it that the ugliest, baggiest, most unflattering things are always the ones that sell out first? Why is it that women pick the things that make the model look like a bag lady and think oh that will look fabulous?

And how can the world support that many shape wear companies? For that matter how cold does it have to be to want to wear an extra layer of clothes under your clothing? Personally one can't wait to get home and strip off the bra, let alone pants that come from under the bust to the knee.

Why is it that mornings are always full of more questions than answers? Mutters there really isn't enough coffee some mornings L

A nice cold dish of revenge

Or how the universe always conspires with Him

Arriving home tonight there was a parcel on the bench. Now it might be addressed to Him, but rather than rat through the bag...

When did we start to get all parcels in plastic bags? There was more mystique to a box firmly wrapped in brown paper, string, a life time supply of Sellotape (sticky tape to other parts of the world) and stamps from exotic locations.

 He had left it like an offering.

Now to the untrained eye it would look like a peace offering, but the minute the fingers touched the bag one recognised it for what it was; bait. Dropping the parcel one backed away slowly and made a wide birth. See one small slave knows what's in that bag...

It's full of nasty, scratchy costumes...

Including a much threatened Playboy bunny costume...

So it really isn't in one's best interest to open the damn parcel at all...

Bastard!

Mail tampering

He opens every bit of electronic mail that comes to one small slave. It's not that He has some idea that one needs to be protected from the outside world. No, it's because He really is even nosier than oneself. It wouldn't be so bad, but He is also the worst social secretary on earth 'cos sometimes he just forgets to mention that one had mail. But that is not what this is about...

This is about crossing the line.

A parcel arrived today. Now, one knows this 'cos the contents of the parcel were spread across the bench when one got home. Feeling more than a little miffed one enquired as to why He felt the need to bust open the parcel that was addressed to one's self... quite clearly no doubt. His answer was a classic...

Um... did it occur to you that one might like to open it? After all one doesn't receive much in the way of mail... except bills... which He seems to deem beneath his notice.

He looked blank for a second and said no

Do you not get any pleasure from riffling through your packages when they arrive?

No. I usually know what they are He replied

So you didn't know what this was and you thought I'll open this one instead?

Well it was quite large and I thought I'd get rid of the mess.

This, from a man who suffers the worst case of domestic blindness known to any woman, anywhere...

Frankly one calls bullshit!

The man is a snoop, plain and simple K

Squeeee!

Tonight one arrived home to find a present on the bench from Him. Now as many of you know presents from Him are not always thing that... well... any girl in her right mind would want. Some of them have been downright painful. This however, was different.

What was in the package was some lingerie. Again historically some of that has been cause for dread too. But this was completely different. This was just gorgeous. It is a deep burgundy/ plum lace mesh with tiny sequins to accent the flowers on the borders of the design.

There is a bra, knickers, fully boned suspender belt and a... not sure what you call it to be honest. It's sort of a bra, slip and suspender combination. All very sexy and of course all, well except for the bra, too hot to wear as the weather starts to crank up...

Oh...

The man is a complete fucking sadist!

Bastard!

Miscalculation

Putting a bag of dried figs on the conveyer belt at the supermarket, one gave Him a meaningful stare and stated "mine" in an emphatic tone. See figs are one of those fruits that one small slave is inordinately fond of. The trouble is so is He.  The difference is that He saves his for the free day while one is inclined to nibble them when a sweet tooth is driving one to distraction. Of course there is the odd time that He has been known to flitch one or two, which has historically led to half a packet disappearing under not very mysterious circumstances.

He smiled down on one and moving closer said oh really? Figuring it was safe, after all we were in a supermarket, what could He do, one nodded firmly and said really! He moved closer and slid the icy cold bottle of coke zero that was in his hand, up the back of one's rather naked leg and said are you sure? Normally this would make one break, but summer is just round the corner. The cold bottle felt rather good. Really one repeated firmly.

He moved the bottle to the front of the thigh and slid it further up the leg. Again... not that cold any more... the sensation was quite pleasant. In fact feeling quite bold the mouth opened and the words "you can't make me" slid out. Realising the utter folly of such a statement one hastened to mitigate the damage...

Umm... that was not and in no way meant to be construed as a challenge one hastened to clarify

That was definitely a challenge He said smirking

No, it was a mistake.  In fact one misspoke altogether

His smirk had a disbelieving cast to it

So here one is... caught between the smart thing, which is to give Him the figs, and the responsible thing by him, which is to withhold the figs for his own good. All of this is skating on that fine ice made of words...

Sighs no good is going to come of this L

Professional sadists

As some of you know today was the day for the mammogram and what felt suspiciously like an ultrasound.  It certainly had that lube like substance in common with one. The plan had been to do the tests and nip out for a spot of lunch. After that it wasn't an option. For the record Pink and Perk need more than two small towels to get that much gloop off.

It was everywhere from the neck to the ribs and from the armpits to the sternum. The only way to get it off was to run home for a shower, where the damn stuff proved as hard to get off as any lube. Water based? Like hell. Ewwwwww! Just ewwww! L

The mammogram wasn't too bad. Right up until she came back with what looked suspiciously like one of those things that you poke vegetables down into a food processor with. With a professional smile and not a note of regret she said now this might hurt a little. The breast was clamped under the damn thing until one was saying ow! Actually it was the third ow and it was louder than the last two. That's it she said cheerily and as she was about to walk away, and was conveniently out of range, she gave the damn thing another spin for luck.

Dear gods one suspects they are right...

If you find a job you like you never work a day...

You go on to become a personal trainer or someone in the medical field.

No wonder those guys always seem so damn cheery L

Wheedling

You know one said, surreptitiously stroking His new t-shirts as they lay on the lounge, these feel fabulous.  He glanced in one's direction.  And one does need some new t-shirts to wear around the house...

The glance turned to a flat glare which was followed by an emphatic no.

But they are very thin and you won't like the feel of them on.

I might He replied... there was a truculent tone in the voice

Have you even tried them on yet?

No

Slipping one on... just to see if it did fit mind... one small slave shimmied around in it

Get that off He growled

You know you won't like them on and one could give them such a loving home

You mean you will wear them until they have holes in them and they are falling to bits He retorted

 Well is it any wonder when He won't share them? Honestly the man is completely unreasonable L