Sunday, October 19, 2014

It's not a bloody power exchange

As some of you know it has been mentioned on this blog how much one hates the term power exchange. It's like a lot of BDSM terminology, borrowed from other things and woefully non descriptive when it is slapped on a human relationship. On the scale of things it's more annoying than the term lifestyle and not quite as bad as submissive being used as a noun, but we are not going there again... at least not this time :D

In yesterday's blog one mused on how this relationship is service orientated, something it never set out to be. But it's not just service that makes up the foundation of this relationship. It's also control based as well. Unless other people have to ask for permission to do things like pee and wander off in the pursuit of happiness shoes.

Our relationship feels quite normal until you start scratching around. So many things are internalised that one doesn't think about them. Everyone gets their hair cut in the way their partner likes and only buys clothes that will please them and totters around in high heels 'cos He prefers them... right? It's not until someone starts waffling on using terms like power exchange that it comes to light.

The brain sort of has this moment where it goes what exchange? There was no exchange as one was frog marched, by the collar, away from the quilt one was contemplating to take care of His sexual needs. Apart from a few token buts (which were taken completely the wrong way) one is overwhelmingly grateful that He doesn't just remove the quilting altogether. It's like the gym. The underwritten proviso is if it interferes with His needs too much, it will be revoked.

You can hardly call any of that an exchange. Well you can, but it's not how others seem to use the word. There seems to be this idea that in exchange for that submission the other gets this dominance bestowed upon them. It's all so bloody civilised and doesn't look anything like what goes on around here.

Unless there is some opt out clause that no one has mentioned...
That's it isn't it?
There is one...

Sighs OK where's it hidden?

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Passing along

This week was notable for the choice of two well known M/sers to put their BDSM relationship on hold. Now they have done it before and have always bounced back and this time may be no different. Sitting on the outside one hopes that they make it to whatever destination they choose, but that is not what this is about. This is about the musings on what this relationship would look like if we pulled out the BDSM components...
And for that matter if we could.

We have always said that if this relationship changed, for whatever reason, we would still be together. Let's face it we've grown accustomed to each other's quirks. And no one else could live with us without killing us. Like all INTJs we are, well, a little cold around the edges and completely wrapped up in our own existence. It's probably just as well we never had children come to think of it, but as always one digresses. Back to us :D

Laying in bed together late at night we sometime play the "could you go back to vanilla" game... well one plays it on Him and he plays along. See one deeply suspects that He would find it very hard. He likes all those little services; meals provided, clothes cared for and whatnot, sex on tap and frankly one can be a little erratic, particularly the meals thing (especially when in a creative phase). Not to mention that He likes getting his own way when it's something that he cares about.

Of course most of that was not on the list when we embarked on this phase of our relationship. We had dancing visions of crosses on our bedroom walls and ritualistic floggings. It got pared down to a service orientated relationship by life and its constant excursions into our fantasies.  There is always the hope that we will get back to it, but the reality of working long arsed days at the opposite end of the clock, is that we are just grateful for any time that we get to spend in each other's company.
And service is important to Him.
Seriously, who doesn't like regular meals :D

Could He survive in a relationship where he didn't have the upper hand? Yeah. For about five minutes and then He would start actively plotting how to get his own way. And the trouble is most people resent being manipulated day in and day out and it's probably exhausting doing it... not that one would know anything about that... ahem.  The difference between us is that He like the power, while one finds the whole thing too much of an effort to maintain over time.

So what would this relationship look like without the power exchange (hate that term it's just so misleading)?  It would probably be full of compromises and resentments and two people trying to get their own way and pulling in opposite directions. All held together by this hinky sexual attraction and the knowledge that we are impossible to live with. It would be volatile and emotional (well one of us would be) and probably still the best relationship either of us has ever had.

Sighs as one said we are perfect for each other have grown accustomed to each other's quirks :D

Friday, October 17, 2014

Manners 101

It is one thing to be unable to locate your can of cold drink and use your slave to find and fetch it for you. It is quite another to use that can to torture warm slave flesh with, as a way of saying thank you.

Sighs sometimes His behaviour leaves a lot to be desired...

Thursday, October 16, 2014

On days like this...

It's a miracle that anyone makes it to work

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Entertainment this week

The topic of humour that has been brewing on Fet is one large, topic specific group trying to make its members gentler, kinder people... to protect the newbies of course. Some of the biggest acts of kissing up and cheering this turn of events are being committed by those who have, historically, the worst track record of past performance.

One of the many fabulous by-products of an age where words can mean whatever you want them to mean, along with poor comprehension skills, is that it won't matter how a reply is worded as some lucky recipient is going to take it the wrong way. Why? 'Cos they can.

At this rate all queries will be able to be answered with a stock standard phrase along the lines of...
Of course you can.
It's your relationship.
Our previous bad experiences with a similar situation were entirely our own and shouldn't colour our replies or your perceptions.  

It should make for riveting reading :)

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The pilgrimage

Today was spent on a road, well more road and rail, trip across town to our parent club. It took exactly five minutes to get the answers that were needed. Now all that has to be done is to finish the quilt by April. The rest of the time was strange...

Firstly one was on kitchen duties as one was filling in for our guide, who was too sick to attend. It's an interesting way to meet everyone and they are a much younger group than we are. They are also a much more competitive group judging by what transpired later on, but we will get back to that. To be honest one was left unsure what we were doing on kitchen duties.

There was no kitchen and why these women couldn't put their own hot water in their cups is a complete mystery. It's probably a hangover from when they were at another venue that had a kitchen. To be honest one suspects we were there to guard the biscuits. In which case, we failed. The other travel companion (who was also on kitchen duty) ate more of them than most of the other women did.

After that was done we took our seats to sit through one of those long arsed meetings that clubs are so fond of. It was their post show meeting and thanks and gifts were handed out. And then it got a little strange...
The president finished off with a "you're all a pack of mean bitches" speech. Apparently some were miffed she picked up so many awards and it got back to her.

It was slightly surreal sitting through such airing of dirty laundry, not to mention somewhat unseemly. Mind you it did make one grateful for our little club and our very hard working president. So much so that next time one might thank her. Or at least stop threatening to remove the clacker from her damn bell, which she insists on ringing right near our table when she wants to have the floor...

Sighs yes gentle readers we are the naughty, noisy table :)