Thursday, May 31, 2012

A small confession

A certain someone (who shall remain anonymous) asked the question, why do you read blogs?
Well the truth is one really doesn't read that many of them. There is a blog list that has some interesting blogs on it. Usually the people one follows are inconsistent producers, who write once in a blue moon and following them is the only way to know when they have committed fingers to keyboards.
Oh and there is the odd blog written by people who are a bit more prolific that one knows from around, and the odd one that is interesting visually or has quirky content who should be shared... they are on the blog roll... but generally that introversion runs deep. It even extends to adding people to the blog roll because one supposes that not everyone wants to be added to the blog roll of a person who has such high sex content. And unless they too have sexual content or there is some way to contact them, one is inclined to assume that here is the last place they want people coming from.

Add to that the fact that many of the blogs found... well they are not really one's cup of tea. It is not always the writers fault... as they say in the classics it's not them, its one small slave. Sometimes the style of writing makes the blog hard to read and sometimes blogs are written to expel emotional demons... to externalise feelings about things going on in their lives... As a complete introvert all that emotional stuff just makes one acutely uncomfortable. Reading it leaves one with no clear idea what one is supposed to do with all that information. In fact one isn't quite sure why they have the compulsion to share to begin with or why they seem so popular as a format. See introverts don't always get you extroverted types at all J

Mind you, some probably have just as much difficulty with this rather anal focused and often tongue in cheek blog. Let's be honest dry is not everyone's cup of tea J

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Real food porn

A link to another host for the video can be found here

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Food porn

Waking up one noticed that it was all quiet on the Western Front and swung a careless arm out for the clock, only to nearly have a heart attack upon seeing the time. The cave, formally known as the bedroom, is playing havoc with the internal clock. See normally one knows within ten minutes or so what the time is... it is why one never wears a watch. Lately though one has been sleeping in. The body has no way of knowing the time in the blackout conditions of the bedroom. In the beginning one kept waking up as the body tried to find a light source. Now it just goes we can't see the light, so we don't care. Well for the record part of us does care... particularly when it's that damn late L

He of course was resolutely asleep...

Scampering out of bed one made coffee and stumbled to the computer. He ambled past quite a while later.
And what time did you pack it in one enquired.
He mumbled something.
Sorry can't hear you when you don't enunciate...
More mumbling
Was that 4.30am?
He smiled sheepishly

Together we scampered out the door to see the doctor and then went in search of a vampire nurse to take copious amounts of blood, followed by lunch. And finding some more tops, because the ones found yesterday are perfect, was also on the agenda. Deciding to do a shopping centre nearby we found two out of three. The tops proved to be more elusive. Well we can try closer to home one said and failing that it will have to be back to Chermside... they had plenty... one can hop on a bus tomorrow.
He took pity upon one small slave and slipped onto the motorway to go straight there...

While one was buried once more in amongst PJ's He disappeared...
To come back bearing these... a raspberry almandine and a mille-feuille... though you may notice in this country they tend to make them with custard rather than the traditional crème filling... as a special treat.
Now these are both things one adores though this was special because one got to pursue the mille-feuille at home, with no one watching... He had gone for a nap figuring four odd hours sleep was not enough. 

See the trouble with mile-feuille is that they are impossible to eat with any decorum. You end up with crumbs and smears all over the place... and nice girls don't chase crumbs. In the privacy of home though it was fair game and one spent a pleasurable time happily hunting every last morsel of flaky pastry, icing and filling... there might have been a finger involved in there... shameface
Honestly it was medicinal... she took gallons of blood J

Monday, May 28, 2012

News from the cave...

Well it would seem that those black out blinds were worth their weight. When the eyelids cranked open at 7am... reluctantly though it was... He was still fast asleep. Surreptitiously checking for unexplained wet/ or sore spots one found none and realised He had slept right through the night. There had been no gaming or molestation needed... so all we need is complete exhaustion... tucks that one away for future use...

Hauling out of the house we set off for an optometrist's appointment where one was informed that the retinas were like those of a 16 year old girl... they go with the 28 year old arse. Though in this case one suspects it is to lack of use rather than always being late. Popping the magnetic sunglasses down to pay the bill, the optometrist squeaked in protest; not face down. Looking at him one laughed and said X in the 22 years one has been coming here... you know you have outlasted several partners... the glasses have been slept in, had sexual acts committed on them and had far worse things happen to them than being placed lens down. It's not like that is going to change. Besides it keeps you in boats... or is it still bikes?
See it seems like only yesterday that he was getting his first riding lessons... on a little scooter... from a big, burly bloke on a Harley.
He laughed and said I'll see you in a year.

After that we scampered off to Sushi for lunch and a little retail... therapy. Actually one was on the hunt for some new PJ's. Contrary to that wonderful fantasy of naked slave girls... though one is most of the time... the reality is that here few houses are heated. And at this time of the year it is starting to get nippy. So off one went on the great PJ hunt...
And may one just say for the record there is some singularly unsexy nightwear out there...
Not that one was looking for sexy... oh no... there is a criteria that includes, but is not limited to...
  • Must be soft and comfortable
  • Must be seperates... top and bottom are not the same size
  • Must be neat and tidy... well there is the odd Tuesday night where one has been known to turn up to roll playing "dressed" in the PJ's... hey they don't judge
  • Must go with some rather lurid booties... current ones are a screaming shade of fluoro orange J
  • No frills... or cute prints of kittehs etc. What is this obsession women seem to have with those sorts of things?

In all of this a rather sexy red and black hound's tooth skirt may have got in there... and a LBD... 'cos a girl can never have too many of those in a hot climate.

He of course managed to find the odd bargain...
Which is why the sexy boots, underwear, stockings and little leopard print skirt that one had worn for this proved to be all for naught. And why one went to sleep with the sound of heavy gun fire booming through the speaker system... 

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Do you love me?

He asks that a lot and it's not the words that always make one alert as much as the tone. See round here that statement precedes many things... most of them not good for one small slave. Tonight they were asked in that slow, probing tone that makes the ears prick up... along with a few... OK most... of the hairs on the nape of the neck...
Yes one replied, with a note of caution deep suspicion
Really love me?
Want to prove it He countered
Frequently have and there's pics to prove it, one shot back
Yes, but that was the other day...

See round here love is a short term duration concept... it needs to be updated, frequently.

What do you want?
Well it is awfully early He prevaricated...
What do you want?
Well I might want to wake you up early.

Very early because it was only 6.30pm and He was snuggling down into his doona.
See someone hadn't been to bed since waking up yesterday for work at 10pm because someone went out after dropping one off at work and found a game sale... and saved a couple of hundred dollars rolls eyes. Of course those games had to be tested... for faults or glitches or something rolls eyes harder.
All of this meant that someone was probably going to be awake at 2am...

Now the first thing that went through the mind was ahhh... sex. There is nothing like a little early morning sex to put you back to sleep... well for one of us. The other one of us is left with messy wetness everywhere that needs to be cleaned up L 
Then, in a sudden flash of clarity, one realised the issue... It was going to be the wee small hours of the morning and it is currently brass monkey weather here at the moment... with an expected low tonight of about six degrees (about 42F), which is unseasonably cool in our sub-tropical paradise. And there He will be; wide awake... 
It will be too cold to be on the computer and He has a collection of new games... and a gaming system in the cave formally known as the bedroom...

With narrowed eyes one turned to look at Him and said you're planning on gaming aren't you?
Well I was planning on having sex He replied. But yeah, gaming could be good too...
He rolled over, happy to have the plans for his morning's entertainment sorted out.

You know sometimes one should just learn to shut up... preferably before opening the mouth would be good. A thought that will no doubt be reinforced as one lays there... leaking and listening to the sound of heavy gun fire L

Saturday, May 26, 2012

You know...

According to the secret slave handbook it clearly states in Clause 2 that...
When your slave whimpers Master, that's really hurting...
It's meant to, said in a calm rational voice is not an acceptable answer.
Just saying.

Friday, May 25, 2012

It's like a virus

As some of you know the whole Fifty Shades of infection started here with His mother. She was patient zero. It spread up this end... well He was the carrier actually. Then one small slave was made to read it. It was like the most awful compulsion really... a bit like looking at a road accident. You don't want to look, but your head sort of swivels round of its own volition. Anyway back to patient zero...

It seems she has scampered out to order the other two books. This is the same woman who just the other day had to resort to covering the book so she could read it in public. Now she was going to cover it in a nice brown paper... she thought it was appropriate, but being unable to find any she resorted to gift wrapping...

For the record those books are not a gift!

Even she has admitted it isn't suitable to give to His sister because she... get this... is a bit of a prude.
Well that clears up where all His inhibitions went to...

The topic of the book came up while one was down there dropping of some medication for His father and we ended up chatting about the aforementioned gift wrapping. In fact we were having a giggle about how bad the books were... 
It was at that moment that His father pipped up and said well if you aren't going to send it to her (His sister) then I might read it...

Virus! Those books are a fucking virus! 

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Shower scene

Standing in the shower legs spread apart, one peed into His outstretched cupped hand, while being gently held in place by his teeth in one's neck. As one finished He slid his fingers up into the moist crevices of the cunt and nipped the neck a little harder, before spinning one around up against the cool tiles. Spreading the arse cheeks out of the way He forced up inside. Wrapping an arm over the left shoulder, He grasped the right nipple in his fingers and squeezed it in a vice like grip. It left one immobilised; pinned between Him and the wall while he fucked one's arse.
Hard enough for you?
Yes Master.
He came and edged one out from under the water and out of the shower.
Deposited outside of the shower one could feel a steady twinge in the nipple and where He had been in one's arse... 
While the cunt pulsed with a rhythm of its own.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Kinklab forceps

These arrived a while ago and we simply hadn't had enough hours in a day to try them out. Today was their day in the sun J

  • Stainless steel
  • Easy to sterilise
  • Removable rubber tips
  • Those rubber tips are ridged so once they clamp on they stay there
  • Three lockable positions
  • Will grab almost any flesh with a vice like grip

  • There is no escape J
  • These little puppies bite
  • Not a lot of room for the flesh unless you remove the rubber tips

Perfect for those who like to do medical play or simply torture their partner, Kinklab forceps are a handy addition to any toy box. They have an unbelievably good grip on flesh... even moist skin. That means they will hold lips, tongues...
Just think of the possibilities J

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

You can never know

We organised to go to our Tuesday night vanillas for a game... not that we actually got to play it. The minute the boys eyes met across the table and after a suitable interval, they slunk off together like two small children to whisper and giggle over loud explosions. It was a circular route though. It started with a trip outside to chat about their news...

See the first warning we got that something was up was a message that they had gone low fat in their diet. Now as the RPGers reading this will know an evening RPGing is synonymous with junk food. It's in the rules... well it should be, as food bribes are the only thing that make gaming bearable. So there we are shuffled outside into the cold to get their news... where the actual children couldn't hear us.

It seems that he has been trying to quit smoking... well this will be the second time in about a year. In this country before they give you the drugs they give you blood tests first. Now he has been experiencing aches and pains and is tired and is putting on a little weight. Well his blood tests came back. The news was not good...

Not only are his cholesterol levels ten times higher than they should be... he now holds the award of the highest levels the doctor as ever seen in a living person... his blood work is showing an elevated white blood cell count. It seems he has a type of leukaemia... and fortunately due to the blood tests that were performed last year when he last tried to quit smoking, the doctors know they have caught it very early so his prognosis is good.

Unfortunately it has a hereditary component and it seems his sister has just received similar news. Except her doctor wasn't too concerned about the results and had adopted a wait and see approach. That is a view that will no doubt be changing radically next week, when his sister goes back to see the doctor.

Meanwhile the women in his life are cleaning up his diet... and frankly he looks like a condemned man. Breakfast consisted of something that looked like budgie food, with red bits in it that he was assured were cranberries and good for him. Red meat has been removed from his diet and all foods containing fats have been put on the forbidden list...
As one pointed out... every chirpily helpful... this is what a consensual non-consent life looks like. Welcome to this side of the slash J
He glowered back over his tuna and rice cracker snack...

They were however, most appreciative of the cast iron skillet that we bought for their housewarming gift. It should do a mean salmon steak and a nice grilled chicken breast...
And this serves as a reminder to us all that changes in the body are often a sign of other things and shouldn't be ignored...
And yes tomorrow one makes a doctor's appointment... three hour naps are not normal at this age L

Monday, May 21, 2012

The lion's den

We were getting ready to go out... it was supposed to be two simple errands and ended up as two cast iron skillets and an assortment of donuts later... well the skillets were an awesome price and we found that our favourite donut shop was still alive and well, in the arse end of the universe that we had ended up in... but one digresses. He bagged the first shower... he takes longer to get ready. Now He swears it's because he is trying to stay out of one's way... but mostly it's because he puts on shoes and socks slower than any person in history. Honestly one can do full girl in the time it takes Him to put on those two items...

Anyway there He is in possession of the shower and there one is stuck on the other side of the glass. It just didn't seem right. So stripping off the t-shirt one stepped in to join him... to wash his back. That is not a euphemism... though as it turned out He seemed to have a hazy idea of where a back was. See when one finished and handed Him the soap so he could return the favour, things went a little wrong...

He cornered one small slave and slid his very soapy finger into one's arse. This of course made the pelvic region tilt straight into His other waiting hand. So there was one was, impaled and stroked into a nasty, quick little orgasm. The kind that leaves the knees feeling a little wobbly and the head like it isn't sure of what just happened.

Taking advantage of that state one was turned around and pressed into the tiles as He slipped his soapy fingers back in one's arse, right before sliding his equally soapy cock straight up there. Holding one firmly in place, He fucked the arse with long, deep strokes until he came, driving upwards with enough force to drive air out of one's lungs. Smiling, He sluiced off and stepped out of the shower...

Leaving one alone... soaked from head to toe, with hair plastered against the scalp, needing to shampoo and shave. All of this and an arse full of soap and cum... which for the record makes for the worst kind of enema. Towards the end there the stinging burn was making one dance just a little... well it was more of a jig to be honest. It certainly didn't make for a relaxed shower at all.

Honestly Scorpios do not share anything well... or good L

Sunday, May 20, 2012

The best and the bitchiest of times

He was standing there as one finished work... actually he wasn't so one skipped off to do something else and came back to find him standing there... and off we set for home. We chatted about important things... the death of art and society and the inconsequential... namely His mother's latest knitting project. She has started to knit squares for a blanket after finally realising that none of her children are the chunky knit jumper types and that she can't sit in the doctor's office reading "Fifty Shades of Grey". You know one is starting to suspect that people read that book purely for the perverse feelings of embarrassment it produces... though one did take a moment to point out she should have got a Kindle J

He agreed to get the noodles for dinner that one has lusted after for over a week... the bastards took family time and closed their business for a long weekend... which unfortunately coincided with the beginnings of the cravings. Anyway we pulled up and it was closed... with no sign of an imminent opening. Tell you what He says, we'll go and get pizza for dinner and if they are open on the way back I'll stop so you can have noodles. See that right there is why He really is a prince.

Anyway we came home where He saw a reply that one made to an entry on kaya's journal on Fet... which can also be found here  for those who don't have a Fet account. It was a quiz in which one scored a massive 1% on both trust and agreeableness... He laughed. Reading the rest of it He asks so who were you like?
Umm... a bunch of politicians, including Hillary Clinton...
He laughed again and said well she's probably a bit of a bitch too...

Hello? Pot meet kettle...

Not that He fared much better with the quiz... coming in with 1% on both of those with the added bonus of "not very helpful". Finally proof of what one has been saying on here since the beginning. Mind you it was clear that there weren't going to be any humanitarian awards coming His way when he answered the statement "you sympathise with the homeless" with an exasperated "what good is that going to do them?"

So for those of you who have five more minutes to waste with a cup of something, the quiz can be found here

Saturday, May 19, 2012

An apology

Every so often one see searches on the blog and ends up looking at them thinking that might not have been what you were looking for. It happens with the vagaries of Google. Of course it is a little harder to blame Google when it is an image search. Seriously it pulls up page; you peruse them and select something that appeals to you...

Now having said that the pictures are often small and mistakes can be made...

So to those of you who have been looking at butt pugs and arses and not realised one's gender...
One can only imagine what a shock it must have been for some of you looking for things like transvestite, lady boy, male and youth... that last one on several counts... to be looking at a pic and slowly realising there was girl genitalia there. The dawning realisation, the sense of shock and horror...
It must have been awful and one apologises for any discomfort you may have experienced J

Friday, May 18, 2012

Touching the inner child

Oddly enough this isn't about Littles in their many shapes and forms. This is about the peculiarity of BDSM lexicon and its overwhelming tendency towards infantilization of supposedly sensible adults... usually women. It gets done on a daily basis and most don't even seem to notice or care. In fact one suspects some secretly enjoy it...

We no longer beat the crap out of each other, we "play". It sounds so much lighter and much more fun doesn't it? Now that one probably came about because we were desperately trying to remove ourselves from the stigma of domestic abuse. Still one can't help but feel we could have come up with something more... adult? Well at least something that doesn't conjure up an image of swings and seesaws every time it gets read.

We have safewords and safecalls... like they are going to make things so much... safer. Someone, anyone, is still to come up with a cohesive argument as to how they are going to do anything other than provide the police with a starting place to look for the body, but some do persist in chanting them like a magical spell of protection... no newbie should leave home without one. Frankly your chances of being killed by a stranger are way lower than by someone near and dear to you... still feeling safe?

There is this ethos of care that abounds... if you don't practise these atonements you are somehow bad it seems. Women are but fragile creatures that need to be cosseted after you do mean things to them. They have to be wrapped up, fed snacks, given sips of water and their iPads until they come back... hell some of them even come prepared. These are the same women that have, in many cases, managed to survive childbirth and an assortment of major illnesses.

Then we have the particularly irksome bit of magic by which women suddenly become girls, baby and that personal favourite "little one". OFFS! Really? And we aren't talking pet names here between two people; we are talking about men who are old enough to know better calling complete fucking strangers by these endearments and then acting surprised when the odd one of us snaps... like the mean auld women that we are.

So the next time you are out playing with your spells of protection, while regressing blissfully, think about this...
Maybe if we stop talking like we have arrested development we might actually become... adults.
Just imagine the possibilities...

Thursday, May 17, 2012

The death of common sense

Walking over to the boss one put in a request to be allowed to kill one really stupid customer a week. She turned around and asked if it would stop at one. Thinking about it she might have a point... surely a person might develop a taste for it? Now you are probably wondering what sparked that desire in the first place...

A customer comes in with very specific needs for skin care. She has been using a top of the line product for years... because it won't set her skin off. So what does she do? After spending nearly half an hour with her explaining her assorted choices, she chooses the one least likely to agree with her skin. And her reason? You guessed it... it was less expensive than the others... which were still nearly half the price of what she had been using L

Hearing this tale the boss turns round and says how long do you think it will be before she comes back to complain about the product? And she will be back... that you can put money on. See the sad fact is some people are not very good at making smart choices or accepting any responsibility for their bad ones. It is far easier to blame something rather than look at themselves and go... yeah that might have been on me... shameface

Never is this trend more evident than on places like Fet. Day after day people write in asking for help and then ignore it... usually with less than sterling outcomes. All because they chose the guidance that most closely mirrored what they wanted to do anyway. Hello... if you were capable of making good choices why were you asking for advice? That was the clue right there.

That idiotic line of reasoning is why we rarely give advice in the group... well that and people don't usually like our suggestions. It is also why one never, ever joins groups devoted to the dispensing of wisdom. Why waste time dispensing something you know isn't going to be taken. The bottom line is you can't fix stupid... and contrary to popular opinion most people keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

They say that insanity is making the same mistake and expecting a different outcome?
Well here's a newsflash...
People are fundamentally insane.
Sighs it's the only logical explanation L

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Lady's choice

What would you like to try today He asked, a gleam backlighting his eyes. See we both woke up feeling human and decided to cash in on it before life conspired to strike us down.
Well one has been dying to try out the MEO Tosu Two since it arrived...
You don't think that's a bit ambitious He enquired?
It's not that big...
And it isn't in comparison to some things... like that bloody speculum that currently lives on His desk... a mute threat and a promise all rolled into one. Honestly after sitting next to that typing away you perspective comes away quite changed... but that is a story for another time. The Tosu Two has an insertable length of about 14cm (5.5") and is about 5cm (2"). In other words it is a bit smaller than the Rascal Bum Rush, though their bases are the same size. It is however, substantially heavier weighing in at about 600gms (about 1lb 5oz).

The pros
  • That tapered shape that makes inserting a breeze
  • Made from bright red aluminium... red makes everything better
  • Easy to clean
  • Large, but not enormous
  • It has ball bearings in it so it works on the same principle as Newtons Cradle... rocking back and forth sets the bearings in motion and mimics being fucked
  • Heavy... you know it is there
  • The enormous base is very stable so it is possible to set it on a table and ease onto it 

The cons
  • Large
  • And as noisy as hell... even the arse didn't muffle the noise 

Now just as one predicted the other day it is a doable plug. That elongated metal form slid in like a knife into butter. And was quite comfortable once in... though ridged. The idea of this plug is that when on your knees you can rock back and forth and it mimics the sensation of being fucked. Of course being somewhat lazier in inclination one prevailed on Him to do the work... it is far easier being propelled along on the end of someone's dick that doing all that work yourself. And being a girl one does have the advantages of two holes, conveniently located near each other

So how was it you may be wondering? Well not quite what one expected. Oh it did mimic the sensation... if you have always imagined being fucked feeling like someone has a metal can in your arse with bearings in it. They did roll back and forth and hit the ends in a pleasing manner... It just wasn't quite the same as the real thing. To be honest one isn't convinced that most wouldn't prefer the real thing. Nevertheless it was interesting and one did have a wonderful orgasm...

So if you have some spare money and want something different this may be for you. If you have a sex swing it might be a fabulous plug to try. It just didn't rock one small slave's world...
As well say as...
Or the absolute reaming... where He kept pulling right out and slamming back in (sometimes known as high diving)... he gave one's arse later on that sent one into post coital coma for about two and a half hours J

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

All about nothing

Waking up to find throbbing pain across the face and behind the eyeballs, one assumed that the day was not going to go well by any definition of the word. Stumbling out of bed leaving Him peacefully curled up in his beloved doona did little to make it better. Neither did dealing with His mother and her assorted wants, needs and desires... including, but not limited to, tightening the mirrors once again on his father's little all terrain vehicle... well that's how he treats his mobility scooter... and sorting out some fabric with her. All of this before morning Tigger.

When He finally appeared one was feeling... like there wasn't enough pain medication in the world actually. And an overwhelming need to leave home. It was a bad combination. So of course we trotted off to see The Avengers in 3D...
Now the movie was awesome... if you haven't seen it yet you have to go. It was described by one viewer as the superhero movie he had waited all his life for... and he was right. They nailed it... and used The Hulk as comic relief... which along with the choice of actor was inspired.

The only tiny problem was that the 3D did nothing for the headache and gave Him a matching one. So the rest of the day was lost to drugs du jour, snoozing through assorted gaming on His part... until even he couldn't follow it due to pain... and incessant whining on both our parts. We made for a pitiful couple... and He wouldn't go out and get food. It seems that being unable to see well enough to drive gives you some sort of exemption on caring for your slave... who knew L

Monday, May 14, 2012

You know some days...

Just don't work out quite like you envisioned them.
See the day was supposed to involve things that looked like this...

Where in reality it looked more like serious couch warming... followed by a nap.

The virus is kicking one so bad that there was even mention of making a doctor's appointment for large quantities of blood to be extracted... next week. We don't want to rush into those sorts of decisions. Besides giving it a name won't make us any more acquainted than we already are 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Fifty shades of embarrassed

We wandered down the hall... actually we opened the door and there on Duncan the rocking horse's ear was a Mother's Day bag, looking terribly jaunty as it swung in the breeze. His mother knows him well and he is notorious for presenting all gifts in the original wrapping. According to Him it is sensible in case it has to be returned... well that's his excuse. So standing in the breezeway we switched out the bags before proceeding down the hall to give His mother her gifts... one from him and one from his father. An event He watched avidly as he had no idea what she was getting either... one small official gift shopper providing yet another household service that will probably never make it to the porn site fantasies.

As she is rustling amongst the tissues He asks casually, how's the book going?
She flushed slightly, fumbling the wrapping... um yes, I don't think I will be lending it to mother when I've finished though.
Yes probably a bit racy, one commented sotto voce.
Oh where are you up to, He enquired brightly
Well she's just lost her virginity. I've passed all the rope stuff...
And she's right... handcuffs are yet to come... a small fact one keep quiet about, choosing instead to take a shot at him. She's made it further than chapter seven one said.
Yes, past that...
She's made it further than you did one quipped, still smiling sweetly at Him.
I couldn't read it He replied, before entering into a diatribe about why the book was unreadable...
 I don't think I will be lending it to your sister either, she finished.

It seems she is a little embarrassed to be reading "Fifty Shades of Grey"... and doesn't want her daughter to be scandalised by the thought of her reading such a thing. Though why His sister, who seems to subsist on a steady diet of Danielle Steel novels, would be is a bit beyond one. Honestly one would have thought reading those publically would burn any capacity for shame right out of you, but...

It seems though that being embarrassed by your choice of reading material is a common thing on Mother's Day...
Maybe what they really need is a decent book
Happy Mother's Day  J

Saturday, May 12, 2012

We're on the road to nowhere

Today a lovely and very regular customer turned around... in the middle of chatting about makeup... and announced that she has just broken up with her partner of four years. The reason? Well it seems that she is too old to waste more time on a relationship that is going nowhere. Now, one could hardly quiz her on where it was supposed to go or where nowhere was exactly. Shame really 'cos one was utterly dying to...

The whole encounter left one with more questions than answers... as encounters with people often do.
Are relationships supposed to have a destination? Do they need one? Why is it so important that they do?

Honestly in all the relationships one has had, there has never been a destination... actually there usually has been the complete opposite.
Now, one is aware that the perceptions of this might be off never having wanted to have children, get married, or own things (and of course life being ironic one ended up as a step mother a couple of times, owned houses... actually got married once to a girlfriend... not legal then and far more cutting edge than it is now). But it seems almost like an extension of the enlightenment theory... onwards and ever upwards... on steroids.

Watching one of the girls at work enact her long term plans of matching cars, engagement, wedding, house (she would have preferred those two the other way around), child substitutes (some practise for him)... all of this with the second man after the last one let her down at the alter... and all of this achieved before 23... seems to bear this out. Phase two seems to include having children as soon as the mortgage is running smoothly. It is utterly exhausting to watch, so one can only imagine what it must be like to be the one actually doing it. Not to mention the pressure to succeed...

The same concepts seem to get applied to BDSM relationships as well. You start out as D/s which of course leads to M/s and then you might become one of the 24/7 crazy crowd. Not that people usually aspire to that last one. Most just wake up one morning to find themselves shunned by the mainstream BDSMers... if they are very lucky... and regarded with the same sense of uneasiness that people reserve for those that might be crazy J

At no stage to people seem to stop and just breathe and simply be.

But seriously, four years? It took four years to work out they weren't the person you hoped? What happened? Were there extensions of deadlines? Did they fail some periodic testing or just refuse to get with the programme?
Meh maybe one understands this whole thing even less that first thought L

Friday, May 11, 2012

Reason #62

Why one should never open up mail around here...
And why one should be grateful for a latex allergy... 'cos it is probably the only thing saving the arse

Oh and before one of you gets all helpful... no, non latex condoms will not stretch enough to go over it so don't even suggest it J

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Mini me

We were at our Tuesday night vanillas the other night; curled up around their dining room table... oh the men had long since disappeared. Well we knew where they were... they had fallen down their own particular rabbit hole known as discussions about gaming and had migrated out of the room. In fact we joked that they needed another play date... they do play together so well. Actually the last time they came over to our place to do that we ended up laughing hysterically. The men were both sporting the same attire, haircuts and facial hair. Now admittedly they did look like a Great Dane and a Chihuahua but... it was funny J

The memory of that little image did spark another conversation. We always find things to talk about; sex, politics, more sex and lots more sex. Oh and our lives... which usually leads to more sex. Its how we got on to anal sex... well more large toys used in anal sex... and one was explaining that large toys did not make you end up loose permanently. More that it trained the arse what to do next time. Things like anal stretching weren't a permanent state. Well she did ask...

That sort of lead to a discussion about what was involved in using toys like bats and we ended up chatting about how there was often more than a little help involved in people using things like traffic cones. Including the use of muscle relaxants... but that is a story for another time. Turning around she said, but that seems like an awful lot of work to get off. And she's right it is, but the rush is awesome (one imagines... not being anywhere in that league) and some people are very self competitive J

Now she was speaking as a mother of two very active boys who is cramming in a second degree, while being a stay at home wife. She is time poor... from what one can see she gets no time alone at all. Even when her partner is gaming he prefers her to be curled up at his side. And just like Him, he calls her into the room to see special moments, have conversations with her regardless of what she is doing and hunts her down if she should disappear. Oh not in a physical sense... he calls her from the other end of the house... like He does. Even showers aren't a safe place to be for alone moments...

See although our lives have very different structures there are enough similarities that we always find things to talk about. The nice thing about human beings is that when you scratch around we aren't as different as we like to think...

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Given the bum(s) rush

The aptly named Bum Rush is the name of this toy by Rascal, the people who make the Strapping Balls. Made of high grade silicone this red beauty is deceptive. As you can see from the picture with the golf ball it is larger than it appears. In fact it has an insertable length of 15cm (approx. 8.5") and is 5.25cm (approx. 2.1") in diameter. That doesn't sound so bad until you know that it is about the same size as one's wrist J

The pros:
  • Easy to clean silicone
  • It's large
  • Smooth, graduated shape for easy insertion
  • It's red so it will go faster...

The cons:
  • It is large J 

We bought this ages ago... and it has sat in a toy box ever since. Time... there just aren't enough hours in a day to cram in as much sexual activity as we would like J So today was a red day in the bedding department and one thought a colour coordinated toy was a good idea. That is the story one is sticking with at any rate... OK it was more one had it in the hand and wandered into the bedroom and thought, oh that will match J

So how did it feel you may be wondering? Ah well... large is a very good description. The only trouble... if that is the right word... was that due to its shape the arse sucked it in faster than it could adjust to the girth. The sheer amount of pull that sphincter muscle can exert is staggering. In fact at one point one had to haul the damn thing out to give it time to adjust to the girth.
It's quite disturbing how the body will quite happily hurt itself given the right toy. Honestly one has always laid claim to being a bit more masochistic that some, but one is starting to suspect that some body parts are actually more masochistic than others... oh the folly of newly rediscovered youth J

Once in it was surprisingly comfortable. The comfort was partly due to the shape with the smaller neck and partly due to the material being not as ridged as some things. In fact one lay there quite relaxed and happy while He nipped around taking photos...
Far more than were needed...

So the upshot of all of this...
It was a surprisingly comfortable, large toy. It is well worth the money if you are looking for an addition to your toy box... and can stop your partner from running away at the sight of it in real life. It might not be first date material, but maybe second or third... with the right person J

Tuesday, May 8, 2012


Today was supposed to involve going to the movies, but after taking one look the grumpy, washed out creature that emerged from the black gaming cave, formerly known as the bedroom, He relented and suggested a day at home. We are supposed to go out tonight... we will see if we both make it. That virus kicks hard... not as hard as the first time round, but hard enough. In fact the achievement for the day was a shower.

Standing there in the cascading water, unmolested by Him... boy is he ever letting one off the hook... performing the other shaving rituals one thought how nice was to be clean. Actually one thought how nice it would be to feel that way everywhere. So taking some lube one carefully lubed up both the tight little arsehole and the enema plug. Inserting it in gently, one then turned the splitter valve on and allowed warm water to circulate everywhere... inside and out.

Tottering back to the bedroom with a warm Njoy inserted one lay on the bed feeling clean and floaty...

He casually reached out a hand to tweak a nipple as he paused his gaming.
Are you going to put your money where your hand is?
Are you actually up for that, He parried.
There was a little bit of rummaging around under the covers for a minute...
Well it is very wet.
What caused that He enquired, looking ever so more interested that a couple of minutes before.
Um... well it might have been the butt plug in one's arse or it might have been the enema before that.
He peered down from his lofty height and said you are such an arse slut.

Maybe, but one was an arse slut who got to have a hell of an orgasm, masturbating while He tortured one's nipples, before rolling over and going straight to sleep.

Apparently this means He is "owed one"... given his rates of interest one feels he might make on the deal L

Monday, May 7, 2012

Mooning around

The moon is at its closest to earth and it won't be like this again for over a hundred years...

We managed to catch the tail end of the Perigee Moon. Seriously, that was as exciting as the day got for one small slave and that wasn't until the night. The virus that one thought was finally shaken came back for yet another swing and the rest of the day bracketed a three hour nap. Actually it was more a coma than a nap if one is going to be honestly.

The only highlight, other than the moon, is that the hated dreaded loathed collar is off again. Mainly because its slight added weight is enough to make one cry out in pain whenever the shoulders are moved. This sucks! Hopefully tomorrow will be less painful... well less of the type of pain one feels little enjoyment of at any rate J

Frankly one is of the opinion that more time should be spent doing things like this...

Found the other day when looking for the picture used yesterday. This is the MEO locking plug in its unlocked state.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

On being a muse

Many moons ago one asked Him why he didn't write odes and sonnets to one small... at the time... voracious cougar... and he said one didn't inspire him. Now being a woman one was slightly miffed at hearing that. Hell no woman wants to find out she isn't muse material. Well it seems He just wasn't looking in the right place...

Someone else did however, and lately it came to ones attention that this picture inspired more than just the odd comment and bit of reblogging. One person reblogged it on their tumblr and it was complete with a little story. And well worth a read that story is too...
Oh not for it erotic appeal... though it may have some
And not for its blatantly rampant levels of fantasy... not to mention its slight withholding of the truth
No, the posts real attraction is the humour....

Now some of the humour is accidental...
Little things like the person obviously hadn't read one's blog... the word contract was a dead giveaway. That and their very hazy idea about bowel movements... or what issues you would have closing the plug enough to remove it if you mistimed things (so to speak). And let us not mention the trouble you would have after leaving it in for the 48 hours like they said happened. Mind you that would probably give some staff member in the local ER a story to laugh about for years to come.
Oh and the comment by the outraged reader was a classic... and something of an added bonus in the laughter stakes.

No, the humour (and what tickled the funny bone enough to make one laugh uproariously) was that in the tale one's arse has somehow managed to become so much younger than the rest of the body.

The only thing one can think is that because the arse spends most of its time being dragged along it has ended up in a different time continuum. In that zone things move much more slowly... well they are behind in everything... and subsequently it hasn't aged as fast as the rest of the body.
It's the only reason one can imagine why one's arse is now 28...
Well that and the fact that it is always late...maybe that was what happened. Its constant tardiness meant it was late for all of those birthdays... those incremental moments must have added up to years at the end.
Maybe He just has a real talent for making the arse look its best... 

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Basic etiquette

The great joy and frailty of Fet is that anyone can start a group... about whatever they like. Well unless it is something that contravenes the banks preferences... but that is a rant for another time. This is about all of that delicious freedom... the one to form what you will and the one that allows the group owners to set who is welcome and who isn't. Unfortunately this is also about the other kind of freedom... the one that makes unwelcome guests land on your doorstep.

They do this because they have a very open interpretation of rules... that is to say they don't think they actually apply to them. Now for the longest time one thought these people did this because they didn't have the brains to actually read the rules. Over time though, one came to think that maybe that wasn't the case. Why would they be in a text laden format if they couldn't read?

Then one came to realise it was the same missionary like zeal that sends certain church members scampering across our lawn, in spite of large and clearly posted signs reading "Beware of Dog". It's not that they can't read. Rather it's simply that they believe their message is so important that the warnings simply can't apply to them. Sort of like an exemption...

In our group Goreans are not very welcome... this may seem odd considering they are in many ways so closely aligned with O/p philosophically. Unfortunately it proved to be a necessity over time. Mainly because some of them just can't help themselves and they have to spoil it for others. It is the same almost evangelical zeal that some of them approach spreading the word of Gor that starts it all. Oh it begins innocently enough with broad sweeping statements, but it invariably ends up with their breathtaking displays of honour and responsibility... and all round specialness.  

The stupid thing is that this special breed of online charmer must make life so difficult for those perfectly nice, sane Goreans who just putter along going about their business, sharing their lives without bringing the Tarn to the table. Of course we don't get those ones... because they don't think they have an exemption. No, we get the other kind... we get the ones who do bring their Tarn to the table and expect us to be happy to feed it. Most of the time they don't seem even realise they have brought the damn thing... which is disturbing in its own right, but we won't go there either.

It's not all bleak though. Unlike the perfectly nice Goreans, who have to rub shoulders with their offensive cousins on Gor related boards and groups, we don't have to. Our freedom means we doesn't have to embrace inclusiveness...
Goes and quietly unlatches the door for the dog... she needs some exercise J

Friday, May 4, 2012

A confession

OK in the interest of honesty one has a small confession... when everyone's back was turned one snuck off to read the last book in the "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy. Yes one did say that a safeword was going to be invoked... but a mad compulsion drove one back. See there is a deep and abiding hatred of unfinished sets of things... uneven cutlery gnaws away quietly until it can be stood no longer.

The book sat there on the Kindle daring one to go back... promising to be better than the last two. And all those women can't be wrong. It must have some merit surely? Somewhere, somehow all that faith must have been repaid. All that vicious defence on Fet must be warranted...

Well for the record...
No, it was not!
It was even worse drek than the first two... if that was possible. All the clichés it stepped into before were there, only worse. She saved him from his affliction by becoming a little grey herself. Umm... he was deeply traumatised... what's your excuse toots?

Gah one feels so dirty...
And he still didn't fuck her in the arse... which is ironic because the books have done that to everyone else L

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Rabbit stew

Doing a spectacular white rabbit one dove headlong into the shower. Sluicing a facial scrub off one turned to find Him pressed up against the glass. His appearance, like an apparition wreathed in steam, nearly gave one heart failure. Well a certain part of the anatomy clenched while skipping a beat. It was unfortunate because that was the part of the body He was aiming for and things go more smoothly if the arse is relaxed.

Mind you His instructions to bend over and breathe, as he sunk up to his balls in a single thrust, didn't inspire relaxation either L

Oddly enough no one was more surprised than Him when he achieved just that. In fact after He came with a juddering groan, and was standing there experiencing aftershocks, he commented how relaxed the arse still was.
It was the juicer...
Well you can't blame a girl for trying

To be honest though one suspects it was still in shock after opening up the box from MEO...
Now the plug is doable... big, but doable... OK huge, but doable. The base though is just fucking huge.
Now some of you wrote to ask about the speculum... mainly in terms of why. Well in this case it also worked as a perception adjustment. Rather than looking at the toy and running out of the room screaming, one looked at it going doable. Seriously after looking at that speculum anything seems doable.

Oh and the other surprise is how loudly it rattles when shaken...
The first person to ask for video of that will be hunted down...
Like a small...

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

More glass than class

There are that many glass toys around here... some of them never used... for a reason we will get to shortly... they almost warrant a box of their own. Some of them are fabulous, some of them... usually ones chosen by Him might one add... the arse just looks at and goes oh heck no. And it's not always the ones you think are going to be a problem.

As you can see this little baby isn't that big, it's only about 5cm (about 2"), but it would not go in past a certain point. And it was so bloody frustrating... the damn arse ate a bat like it was the contents of a desert trolley and yet looked at this and just clammed up L
Today it was of a different persuasion... maybe it was feeling obliging after the lovely juicer of yesterday...
Today it slid in... A little too fast actually... which nearly brought a tear to the eyes... and had to be pulled out while the arse adjusted itself. Well more He adjusted it by putting most of his hand up there. But after that, it slid in without a complaint.

It was a peculiar feeling... like the MEO stretching rings it felt like one was opened up in all the wrong places. Yes, the arse does have views on what feels right... no, it doesn't get much say... though it can refuse to comply quite categorically at times J Normally the feeling of fullness is inside rather than like this... It is quite different from a butt plug in that it has a wide neck and it made one feel very... open and exposed, for want of better words.

That peculiar feeling was exacerbated when He started to spank one's arse with heavy handed slaps, while the plug was in. The sensation travelled through the skin and to the plug. It vibrated... in a most interesting way. It felt rather like a tuning fork... one plunged inside of the body. As one said it was peculiar... though worth a try simply because it is different.

The vibrations left the arse feeling relaxed and very sensitive. When He pulled the plug out to cum in it one could feel the sensations more than usual. There was great pulsing, shooting waves of cum... and one could feel them as they splashed inside one's arse. Fortunately the plug was there to shove back in when He finished... there was rather a lot of it.

So there... one difficult glass plug down. Next challenge...
Oh wait; He has its very large cousin somewhere under the bed. Maybe the arse will have a relapse...
Whispers well one can hope, surely?

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Love lost and found

Belonging to a family commonly known as juicers (due to the action they perform) this toy is made of Pyrex and has an insertable length of 18cm (7"). Now Pyrex/ glass toys are fabulous things. The material makes them very hard to break and capable of being moulded into interesting textural shapes and designs. They can be heated, chilled and best of all thrown in a dishwasher afterwards.

The pros:
  • Virtually indestructible
  • Easy to clean 

The cons:
  • Quite heavy for its size
  • The material is ridged so some care needs to be exercised with them 

This toy has sat in the toy box, well one of them, for maybe... five years? Tucked in its gold coloured tubing, safe, sound and largely forgotten about... as toys are want to do around here. Honestly with that many toys it is easy to do, but tonight it was proudly pulled out to the bright lights. Right before it was shoved into another dark place...

All one can say is where have you been all these years? And why didn't we meet sooner? He's been keeping us apart... peers around and furtively whispers mean bastard.
Honestly there are no words to describe how good that toy felt shove in one's arse and being slowly turned around and around. The arse is sitting here smiling just thinking about it...
Sighs of course it will probably never see it again... He now knows that it works L