Reasons

As some of you know one spends very little time on Fet contributing anything particularly meaningful. Oh one wanders around there reading... hello nosey... and keeping half an eye on things, but there is little in the way of content produced for that site. It's for a lot of reasons, lack of time being one of them. In an average day one might get an hour online and half of that is spent writing for this blog to entertain Him and way too many of you at times.

The other reason is that one has issues with management over there. It's their website and they can run it anyway they choose. They do the work, sustain the escalating costs, deal with the banks... actually that one causes some of the issues one has, but we will get back to that... and deal with some of the trouble makers. And that causes some of the other issues that one has, but we will get back to that as well. As a site it has grown beyond all expectations in the five years one has been on it and it is the only show in town, in spite of many valiant attempts by others.

When they started out it was a very different place. They had this quaint idea that we would all just get along 'cos we were kinky. It was naive at best and stupid at worst as a belief. Like any community we have kinks that are not accepted, especially by the banks as it turned out. To get that all important funding Fet had to get rid of anything controversial; rape, incest, bestiality, cannibalism... the list goes on. Now most people were ecstatic about that. They didn't want to rub shoulders with those types anyway. They never thought about the fact that their kinks were illegal too and that vigilant eye might turn in their direction next... bless them.

To most they were just trouble makers and their protests over the treatment they received fell on deaf ears. They were deaf in part because they never heard them as the trouble disappeared overnight along with a few supporters, who while not fans of their proclivities, did have issues with how the whole thing was dealt with. Poof and their accounts were gone. It was very effective. Oh there were a few who got mopped up by mistake, but it was peaceful for management.

That of course brings us to the next issue one has. Management is this group of individuals who donate their time in an effort to keep things civilised. For their sanity and probably their safety they are anonymous. They are also not very even handed as the TOU is worded in ways that are open to interpretation. The damn thing is like a crocheted shawl it's that loose.  The upshot of this is that issues are not dealt with a cohesive manner and complaints? Well they just get silenced.

Your writings no longer trend on Kinky and Popular or Kinky and Plagiarised as some whits say (K&P for short). You piss off the wrong people and become labelled as a trouble maker and you will find yourself on a time out from the site and getting your voice heard. Being as the site is not American (in spite of many such erroneous beliefs) they do not subscribe to the idea of freedom of speech. You are silenced. And you will remain that way for a year or until management changes its mind.

Now what has sparked this grumbling you may wonder? Well the other day one loved a piece of writing. It was tongue in cheek and irreverent and it poked fun at some of the offerings on K&P. It didn't trend, for obvious reasons, but it didn't show up in one's list of things that have been loved either.  Someone had poked someone in management it would seem and got on their shit list.

So why does one spend very little time creating content for this site? Well it's a protest. A small and insignificant protest admittedly. See one has this belief that any group can be judged on how it treats its members, particularly those members that question its decisions. People going poof in the night or are gagged is not a good sign in one's books.

After all, you never know who might be next...

It's not a bloody power exchange

As some of you know it has been mentioned on this blog how much one hates the term power exchange. It's like a lot of BDSM terminology, borrowed from other things and woefully non descriptive when it is slapped on a human relationship. On the scale of things it's more annoying than the term lifestyle and not quite as bad as submissive being used as a noun, but we are not going there again... at least not this time :D

In yesterday's blog one mused on how this relationship is service orientated, something it never set out to be. But it's not just service that makes up the foundation of this relationship. It's also control based as well. Unless other people have to ask for permission to do things like pee and wander off in the pursuit of happiness shoes.

Our relationship feels quite normal until you start scratching around. So many things are internalised that one doesn't think about them. Everyone gets their hair cut in the way their partner likes and only buys clothes that will please them and totters around in high heels 'cos He prefers them... right? It's not until someone starts waffling on using terms like power exchange that it comes to light.

The brain sort of has this moment where it goes what exchange? There was no exchange as one was frog marched, by the collar, away from the quilt one was contemplating to take care of His sexual needs. Apart from a few token buts (which were taken completely the wrong way) one is overwhelmingly grateful that He doesn't just remove the quilting altogether. It's like the gym. The underwritten proviso is if it interferes with His needs too much, it will be revoked.

You can hardly call any of that an exchange. Well you can, but it's not how others seem to use the word. There seems to be this idea that in exchange for that submission the other gets this dominance bestowed upon them. It's all so bloody civilised and doesn't look anything like what goes on around here.

Unless there is some opt out clause that no one has mentioned...

That's it isn't it?

There is one...

Sighs OK where's it hidden?

Passing along

This week was notable for the choice of two well known M/sers to put their BDSM relationship on hold. Now they have done it before and have always bounced back and this time may be no different. Sitting on the outside one hopes that they make it to whatever destination they choose, but that is not what this is about. This is about the musings on what this relationship would look like if we pulled out the BDSM components...

And for that matter if we could.

We have always said that if this relationship changed, for whatever reason, we would still be together. Let's face it we've grown accustomed to each other's quirks. And no one else could live with us without killing us. Like all INTJs we are, well, a little cold around the edges and completely wrapped up in our own existence. It's probably just as well we never had children come to think of it, but as always one digresses. Back to us :D

Laying in bed together late at night we sometime play the "could you go back to vanilla" game... well one plays it on Him and he plays along. See one deeply suspects that He would find it very hard. He likes all those little services; meals provided, clothes cared for and whatnot, sex on tap and frankly one can be a little erratic, particularly the meals thing (especially when in a creative phase). Not to mention that He likes getting his own way when it's something that he cares about.

Of course most of that was not on the list when we embarked on this phase of our relationship. We had dancing visions of crosses on our bedroom walls and ritualistic floggings. It got pared down to a service orientated relationship by life and its constant excursions into our fantasies.  There is always the hope that we will get back to it, but the reality of working long arsed days at the opposite end of the clock, is that we are just grateful for any time that we get to spend in each other's company.

And service is important to Him.

Seriously, who doesn't like regular meals :D

Could He survive in a relationship where he didn't have the upper hand? Yeah. For about five minutes and then He would start actively plotting how to get his own way. And the trouble is most people resent being manipulated day in and day out and it's probably exhausting doing it... not that one would know anything about that... ahem.  The difference between us is that He like the power, while one finds the whole thing too much of an effort to maintain over time.

So what would this relationship look like without the power exchange (hate that term it's just so misleading)?  It would probably be full of compromises and resentments and two people trying to get their own way and pulling in opposite directions. All held together by this hinky sexual attraction and the knowledge that we are impossible to live with. It would be volatile and emotional (well one of us would be) and probably still the best relationship either of us has ever had.

Sighs as one said we are perfect for each other have grown accustomed to each other's quirks :D

Consensual?

There are endless debates in some quarters of Fet about CNC. The one thing they all have in common is that no matter how civilised the start, they all end up with limbs being amputated and small kittehs being sacrificed. Why is it always limbs or digits? To be honest one always looks at those debates and thinks why can't they have better scenarios?

The reality is always far more dire than limb lopping. Just the other day He imported Gor; the role playing game. And although He swears it's just to have it, one can't help but feel that it is going to sit there on the computer, until one does some nameless little crime and then out it will come. The next thing you will know there one will be, stuck RPGing Gor completely against one's will.

Truth be told, the whole gaming thing is completely against one's will and yet one finds oneself stuck for hours on the floor, playing things from all over the world. There is the odd time that one would happily cut the limb off to escape. No need for Him at all...

Oh wait...

If it wasn't for Him, none of this would be an issue...

Hmmm....

Maybe where they always go wrong in their imaginary horror scenarios is who should be living in fear.  Perhaps it is not one small slave, but one geeky owner who is at risk.

Sighs well that makes a lot more sense :D

It might be time

As some of you know Fet is spending more time offline than up and running at the moment. What is interesting is how many people are reacting.  There are screeds of writings, both serious and tongue in cheek, about how it has made them feel and how adversely it has affected them.  Reading through some of them one can't help but feel that people spend way too much time online...

And one can't help but wonder at what cost.

Maybe His geekiness and his attachment to board games is healthier than first thought...

At least it gets Him out of the house and in contact with people in the flesh.

Sighs now what is needed is a third who can distract Him so one small slave can quilt quietly :)