Saturday, October 18, 2014

Passing along

This week was notable for the choice of two well known M/sers to put their BDSM relationship on hold. Now they have done it before and have always bounced back and this time may be no different. Sitting on the outside one hopes that they make it to whatever destination they choose, but that is not what this is about. This is about the musings on what this relationship would look like if we pulled out the BDSM components...
And for that matter if we could.

We have always said that if this relationship changed, for whatever reason, we would still be together. Let's face it we've grown accustomed to each other's quirks. And no one else could live with us without killing us. Like all INTJs we are, well, a little cold around the edges and completely wrapped up in our own existence. It's probably just as well we never had children come to think of it, but as always one digresses. Back to us :D

Laying in bed together late at night we sometime play the "could you go back to vanilla" game... well one plays it on Him and he plays along. See one deeply suspects that He would find it very hard. He likes all those little services; meals provided, clothes cared for and whatnot, sex on tap and frankly one can be a little erratic, particularly the meals thing (especially when in a creative phase). Not to mention that He likes getting his own way when it's something that he cares about.

Of course most of that was not on the list when we embarked on this phase of our relationship. We had dancing visions of crosses on our bedroom walls and ritualistic floggings. It got pared down to a service orientated relationship by life and its constant excursions into our fantasies.  There is always the hope that we will get back to it, but the reality of working long arsed days at the opposite end of the clock, is that we are just grateful for any time that we get to spend in each other's company.
And service is important to Him.
Seriously, who doesn't like regular meals :D

Could He survive in a relationship where he didn't have the upper hand? Yeah. For about five minutes and then He would start actively plotting how to get his own way. And the trouble is most people resent being manipulated day in and day out and it's probably exhausting doing it... not that one would know anything about that... ahem.  The difference between us is that He like the power, while one finds the whole thing too much of an effort to maintain over time.

So what would this relationship look like without the power exchange (hate that term it's just so misleading)?  It would probably be full of compromises and resentments and two people trying to get their own way and pulling in opposite directions. All held together by this hinky sexual attraction and the knowledge that we are impossible to live with. It would be volatile and emotional (well one of us would be) and probably still the best relationship either of us has ever had.

Sighs as one said we are perfect for each other have grown accustomed to each other's quirks :D

1 comment:

ancilla_ksst said...

"It would probably be full of compromises and resentments and two people trying to get their own way and pulling in opposite directions."

And see, we have been there. I know exactly how our relationship looks as vanilla and that is exactly it, full of resentment and power struggles. I'm actually pretty stubborn about my own way, believe it or not, until I decided to give up all that and be submissive. :)
He's not the kind of man to take submission by force, either. Not that I would have stood around for that for one minute early on. Probably. Sometimes we talk about "what if..." he had done that in the beginning of our relationship.

The thought of going back there gives me this horrible horrible ick feeling. I like this so much better. He also loves the service, getting his way and especially sex however and whenever he likes it. Oh, and hitting me with stuff. :)