This week was notable for the choice of two well known
M/sers to put their BDSM relationship on hold. Now they have done it before and
have always bounced back and this time may be no different. Sitting on the
outside one hopes that they make it to whatever destination they choose, but
that is not what this is about. This is about the musings on what this
relationship would look like if we pulled out the BDSM components...
And for that matter if we could.
We have always said that if this relationship changed, for
whatever reason, we would still be together. Let's face it we've grown
accustomed to each other's quirks. And no one else could live with us without
killing us. Like all INTJs we are, well, a little cold around the edges and
completely wrapped up in our own existence. It's probably just as well we never
had children come to think of it, but as always one digresses. Back to us :D
Laying in bed together late at night we sometime play the "could
you go back to vanilla" game... well one plays it on Him and he plays
along. See one deeply suspects that He would find it very hard. He likes all
those little services; meals provided, clothes cared for and whatnot, sex on
tap and frankly one can be a little erratic, particularly the meals thing (especially
when in a creative phase). Not to
mention that He likes getting his own way when it's something that he cares
about.
Of course most of that was not on the list when we embarked
on this phase of our relationship. We had dancing visions of crosses on our
bedroom walls and ritualistic floggings. It got pared down to a service
orientated relationship by life and its constant excursions into our
fantasies. There is always the hope that
we will get back to it, but the reality of working long arsed days at the
opposite end of the clock, is that we are just grateful for any time that we
get to spend in each other's company.
And service is important to Him.
Seriously, who doesn't like regular meals :D
Could He survive in a relationship where he didn't have the
upper hand? Yeah. For about five minutes and then He would start actively
plotting how to get his own way. And the trouble is most people resent being
manipulated day in and day out and it's probably exhausting doing it... not
that one would know anything about that... ahem. The difference between us is that He like the
power, while one finds the whole thing too much of an effort to maintain over
time.
So what would this relationship look like without the power
exchange (hate that term it's just so misleading)? It would probably be full of compromises and
resentments and two people trying to get their own way and pulling in opposite
directions. All held together by this hinky sexual attraction and the knowledge
that we are impossible to live with. It would be volatile and emotional (well
one of us would be) and probably still the best relationship either of us has
ever had.
Sighs as one said we are perfect for each other have grown
accustomed to each other's quirks :D
1 comment:
"It would probably be full of compromises and resentments and two people trying to get their own way and pulling in opposite directions."
And see, we have been there. I know exactly how our relationship looks as vanilla and that is exactly it, full of resentment and power struggles. I'm actually pretty stubborn about my own way, believe it or not, until I decided to give up all that and be submissive. :)
He's not the kind of man to take submission by force, either. Not that I would have stood around for that for one minute early on. Probably. Sometimes we talk about "what if..." he had done that in the beginning of our relationship.
The thought of going back there gives me this horrible horrible ick feeling. I like this so much better. He also loves the service, getting his way and especially sex however and whenever he likes it. Oh, and hitting me with stuff. :)
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