If only it were true

Every once in a while you get a little something in the inbox that just makes you want to chortle with mirth or die laughing. In this case it was mirth and it's probably 'cos one didn't read the message the way it was intended. The bold is them; the italics are the responses by the voice in one's mind.

Let's look at this little gem to see where it went wrong...

Hello my dearest Master,

Um wait, when did that happen? Checks account name... nope not His

How are you doing?

Well more relieved than a half minute ago

I am X, new on this site.

Clicks profile... so new that you haven't even had time to fill out a profile

I have gone through your profile,

Um, obviously not

am interested in serving you as your slave for the rest of my life

Oh wait, this could work...

You can email me on XYZ to have more pictures of me and more discussion because am not always here.

Knew that was too easy... bloody pics and chat, no one ever wants to do housework anymore

I wait for your reply soon

Well the disappointment is going to be mutual then

Your new slave, X

Sadly not, but how many fools will send emails in the hopes of acquiring that prize one does have to wonder

You might have a shoe problem if...

You see a pair of boots that you fall in lust with

That you track all over the world via online shoe stores

Only to be unable to find them in your size anywhere

Then you unexpectedly find them some time later, at a really good price

And they are a half size smaller than you would normally take

But you buy them anyway

Figuring that the company might run on the slightly large size and most of your boots are getting a bit big, thanks to all the weight loss

And if not they were cheap enough to write off

'Cos there is no way you are going to the hassle and expense of returning them

Sighs and now we wait and wonder who we know that is a half size small than oneself, who would like a pair of long, dark petrol blue, suede boots... yanno just in case they don't fit :)

A softer side

In the gloom of the week a little sunshine did appear. It is a strange thing and one suspects that traditional Doc wearers are shuddering in their boots, but one does so love the new, nowhere near as tough boots that seem to be the staple of the company these days. And one speaks as a person who has the last forever (because it takes bloody ages to make them comfortable enough to wear) ones in the cupboard. In fact the last pair one bought, before weighing too much for Docs to be comfortable, was of that ilk. Bright screaming yellow and with barely a crease in the toes or flex in the tongue... after racking up hours of wear and having them for nearly six years. 

Sighs honestly you could make someone your bitch in less time...

Spoke too soon

The day dawned dark and not too cold, so one did the brave thing and hauled on gym gear for a half hour of self torture. All went well. In fact one was congratulating oneself on another day without a headache when the body took its cue and started one up. Upon going outside for the bus one discovered why.

The temperature had dropped and the blasted winds had picked up. By the time one got home it had escalated into a full blown migraine. So if you will excuse one small and frankly not terribly entertaining slave, meds and a couch await.

Sighs so does the pork that needs to be cooked for His lunches...

Out of the black and into the blue

Depressive episodes, however rare and short lived, suck. Though the end is in sight, coming out of them always feels like a long, slow journey that parts of you are less than willing to embark on. Mind you, on the bright side the headaches have ceased for the moment so one did get back into the gym. Maybe a different type of pain will distract the body. It only seems to be able to concentrate on one micro crisis within its walls at a time :D

Well tomorrow arrived...

And it was as bad as yesterday, though we did go out and see Guardians of the Galaxy . If you haven't seen it, you should. It was funnier than expected. Way funnier than the shorts would lead you to believe.