Balls to the wall

This has been the week for CNC debates... and that is a loose descriptive term at best... all over Fet. Some of it has made for interesting reading. If only so one can add names to the list of people to never, ever engage with. Wow! We might be considered the extremists of the BDSM spectrum, but some redefine the meaning of the word extremist and oddly none of them are on the O/p side of the spectrum. Anyway one does digress... as always.

One fascinating point from the opposition has been the idea that force is not necessary in a BDSM relationship. The submissive partner is there due to an overwhelming desire to serve and please. They in turn are there to facilitate that desire and compliment it with their own need to lead. There is no need for the master to enforce his will physically. If there is a problem, it is a failure to communicate and everything can be resolved with conversation.

And it left one thinking, but what if you don't have this overwhelming desire to submit and to please? Now don't get one wrong, making Him happy is certainly a desired thing, but if push comes to shove in life, there are always competing needs. Add to that a singular lack of desire to submit... well you can see why the whole thing left one a little bemused. Not to mention more convinced than ever one would make a lousy submissive.

See what one needs is the assurance that if it is important to Him, he will frog march one to the point, if necessary. Why? Well difficult by inclination and... well... damned difficult by nature. If He wasn't willing to enforce his will, then why the hell is one supposed to bow to his wishes? Don't get one wrong, most things can be resolved by conversation. Physical coercion is simply a tool, not the only tool. But damn it, one needs to know He will back up his position if necessary...

Meh let's put this in the basket marked gratitude... that will make Him happy :)

One small slave is grateful that He is not the sort of man who has this stupid idea that one is here from that imaginary submissive space, where one is always going to be happy to please.

Sighs and they call us delusional

The last of summer days

 

A slave's life...
In a subtropical climate :)

Outside perceptions

Wandering out to the bus stop one spied the little bus friend waiting for the bus. There was the usual squeals of delight, snuggles and catch up before the bus arrived and we scampered down the back of the bus like a couple of naughty school girls. Now conversations with her never go along the lines that you anticipate...

This was a typical opening salvo...

Hope you don't mind me asking this, she said...

Hmmm?

But it is always something of a surprise that He is in charge of the relationship

Hm?

Well He seems so passive compared with you, who always seems so dominant by contrast.

See perceptions are never a reality in many cases. On the face of it one can see how she gets that. She has only a hazy idea of how much this incarnation of oneself is His creation and she has never seen Him in the pursuit of something he actually cares about. And to be honest one suspects that, like a lot of women, she mistakes aggression for dominance. Really one is firmly in the aggressive camp...

He is not.

There is just a whole raft of things that He doesn't care that much about... so he is happy to go with the flow on things like dinner...

Well except when one takes Him to places and he doesn't like the menu... regardless of how attractive one might find it... grrrrr... they had sweet potato on the menu... whines gently

But woe betide one buying ugly shoes... however comfy they may be... and they are... whines some more

The thing is the desire to control things rarely extends past the things He cares about. All the other stuff is like white noise... until it interferes with His interests. Then the eyes snap open and the other Him comes out...

The bossy, intractable, persistent, relentless, sometimes unreasonable, pushy, physical and often calculating one, who isn't afraid to apply pressure until He gets what he wants.  

The one that sleeps behind those bright blue eyes and easy going manner

The handy Fet survivalist guide

Lesson 2.3

After you join Fet you spend some time joining groups. Now when you do that they make you read the rules, 'cos each one is run like a small fiefdom... mainly because you couldn't employ anyone to police them any other way. When you have done that, you click a little button that declares you have read the rules and agree to abide by them.

Now pay attention people because this is the handy bit...

What not to do...

1. Do not read the rules and think that they do not apply to you

2. Do not only read the bits in red... all the white stuff is important too  

3. Do not be surprised that if you break those rules that bad things will happen...

In fact they may follow you all the way to your journal entries when you run there to whine about how you were mistreated.

Yes that is right. They will mock you mercilessly... as long as you keep whining in fact.

4. Do not try and justify your behaviour behind a cloak of they are elitist, exclusionary, marginalising meany heads

It won't matter how tightly you try and pull that cloak of indignation about you...

You will be mocked mercilessly.

 In a direct proportion to how marginalised the group's members were when they founded their little fiefdom. That's right. The more you tell them they and their group is wrong, the more resistance you will meet until they are openly deriding you... all over Fet.

The message here people is very simple...

Don't like a group you have joined, don't think your valiant attempts at telling them they are wrong will make a whit of difference... well except to their amusement levels... most aren't adverse to that at all.

Don't like it? Leave... leave quietly and don't look back

The meaning of gratitude

"I don't let you read Fet so you will come back with silly ideas. I let you read Fet so you will come back grateful."

And one small slave is, but...

Some of the stuff on there is just so entertaining...

It's hard to resist :)

Development?

You know people watching on Fet is fascinating and best of all the coffee is free... well sort of... shall we say reasonably priced? Anyway one does digress, back to the people. To be honest one doesn't contribute much to Fet these days. There are issues with the site that makes one very reluctant to create content for them and assorted privacy issues that they refuse to address, but again one does digress.  What one does do on Fet though, is read a fair bit and be endlessly entertained without engaging with the stupid. Honestly one is not as masochistic as some things on here would lead you to believe :)

What does fascinate, after spending many years on there, is how people have evolved. Those who had the biggest problem with the Op crowd, and engaged in some of the bloodiest dust ups, have moved further along the spectrum to become one of us. Oh not officially, they haven't made bosom buddies with members or joined the group...take that back one of them has just joined (probably with no memory of the 16 rounds they went with one of the groups former mods)... but you find them on other threads squeaking me too, me too. It's just like that for us...

And it always leaves one to wonder what happened in the intervening years? Did they become involved with different people? Have they had a radical change of heart? Or have they actually progressed along some continuum and morphed into a more radical form of themselves?

The implications of that last one are interesting...

For years we have snickered at those nine levels of submission things, but maybe they had a point... albeit buried under a thick layer of something. Or perhaps what one is witnessing is another event altogether. Perhaps time drives polarities in people or maybe the net makes us move along, becoming more extreme in an endeavour to separate ourselves from the hoi polloi?

Meh more questions than coffee this morning :)

Moments of madness

You will be pleased to note one said, as we drove along in the car, that what we do is a fantasy and that what we do is consensual because any time you do anything that is non consensual, you have stepped over the line into rape and assault, which is illegal and therefore isn't being done by you 'cos otherwise you would be in jail...

See time on the net is never wasted... though following some people's logic is not without its challenges... rather like an obstacle course

Really He said, as his hand reached out clamping around a breast until one uttered that now famous safeword; no!

Nothing happened... well other than His hand squeezing that bit tighter

Um... that's not quite how it's meant to go. You're supposed to acknowledge the safeword

I did He replied

That must have been what that squeeze was

Sighs yeah have to say one suspects that the netsperts might be wrong... again