Saturday, May 24, 2014

Language barriers

Fun though last night was it, did illustrate how great the divide is between our obscure little branch of BDSM and the kinksters.
First off though, may one just say that kinksters are rather like lesbians. You end up in a room full of people that the only thing you have in common with is sexual preference. Everything else has to be added afterwards or on top of or out of scratching desperation to find common ground... but as always one does digress... back to our night out.

For starters one discovered that we are lucky... well we knew that... but one had never realised that others might consider us lucky. We have it all apparently; a relationship, kink and we live with our kinky partner. For some it is like the Holy Grail, sort after but rarely realised. If nothing else the night did reinforce that we are indeed lucky.

The other discovery was that they are polite in strange ways. They are most careful to not assume things. They ask outright who is on top. For a while there one was starting to think that aggressive, pushy self was to blame, but it seemed to be that collars are worn by anyone and not a denotation of place.
Adds collar to His surprise gift list... it could be fun... middle of the night, slap it one and say surprise! What could go wrong???
Ahhh... slave fantasies, they are never as hot as people imagine, though they may be way more dangerous.

Having sorted out who you are in the relationship, some time is then spent sorting out what you are. Yeah might have failed that one. Brat was the term offered up as a possible label. To which one pointed out that was rather like calling a wolverine a small fury animal. Brat did not cover the level of difficult that one could be. It was just grossly inadequate... So when asked what term one uses the reply was owned. It was on the tip of the tongue to point out that the collar was there for their protection ;)

But it was further discussions that led to much mirth and understanding of why we will never manage to interact with the greater BDSM population, especially online with any level of mutual understanding...
See for years one thought that half the problem with online communication was that people couldn't see each other. There is no way of seeing a facial expression that conveys the largest part of communication. Also, and this is the big one; no one has invented a sarcasm font, or any other emotional font, which is a shame because it leaves people to fill in tone all by themselves. Well by themselves, with their emotional filters on and that imaginary voice that reads out loud in our minds... you know the one... it's the one that makes up little accents and tone all on its own. It's the one that gets us into trouble if we listen to it.
So with that in mind one trotted off to use those missing tools for communication with others of similar proclivities...

Some of the conversations were just downright funny...
During one conversation the topic drifted to esoteric matters of things like limits and consent, which one did point out, had little relevance in our lives.
But you must have limits was the startled assertion
Well, one had His limits.
The person turned and, without a word of a lie, launched into the amputation debate. Keeping a straight face one did point out that as a smart woman, maybe one might have been a bit more careful than pick up with any strange Tom, Dick or Harry.
That did sort of fly over their head... straight into consent.

But you consented to those limits they persisted
Well, mostly not. They sort of grew as His tastes changed
But you did consent once, in the beginning they said, with a hint of desperation in their voice
Well there was one of those BDSM check lists that we filled out. He started with all the things that one had marked with a no
By then the person was sending very uneasy looks in His direction... not that he could see, being engaged with an attractive woman on the other side of him

It was then that one decided to put the person out of their obvious misery and point out that these sorts of things were vital if negotiating a scene, but after 17 years they had very little relevance.
See one can be tactful...
OK it was more like removing a hook from a fish and letting it go, but either way the person was grateful...
Though His name may be being engraved on some black list as we speak :D


mc kitten said...

it's true tho, casual playing or scenes are very different to a long term 24/7.

I mean, we have a safe word system but I've never used it. If he took it away tomorrow it would make very little difference because he knows me so well, he knows the difference between discomfort and actual dying, you know?! And any time he's not sure he prods me or something :D

Besides, one or two things happened recently that made me realise that a situation in which I'd need to safeword I wouldn't be capable of it anyway I don't think, so we're back to relying on his common sense anyway. Thankfully he has buckets of it, or we wouldn't be doing this anyway.

ancilla_ksst said...

I just have to leave this comment, though I have been debating. You know we have a relationship with a dominant woman, Myst, and she gets regular offers from subs/slaves who profess their lack of limits loudly "Take ME! I have no limits". She has told me she always replies, "ok, give me your arm, I want to cut it off" and they always back off right quick. It makes me laugh because she has this look and this tone that you think maybe she will just cut your arm off. Her point is that just to run up to a stranger claiming to have no limits is a stupid place to begin negotiations and she wants to make them rethink their strategy.

She knows how Master and I function of course, that he would never ask me to do crazy stuff and I trust him to set my limits. She never asks me what if he wants to cut my arm off.

Master's piece said...

LOL Yeah He would prod too... if only 'cos he doesn't like inert ;)

@ancilla-ksst Maybe she should, he could turn at any moment doncha know... well according to the netsperts at any rate.

mc kitten said...

yeah, this is the thing. I've lived with my man for nearly 18 years, been together for nearly 20. We've worked up to where we are in TTWD really quite slowly, it's only been anything like near to full on in the last five year or so.

So really, never mind about him knowing me well, I don't know him well?! Excuse me?!

Master's piece said...

Yeah some of them are precious... bless them

ancilla_ksst said...

He does blow on my tummy even though he knows I hate it, so yeah, arm chopping could definitely be around the corner. My sad fate, I guess.