Sunday, July 15, 2012

Marathon (wo)man

They had a guide on to how to get fit enough to run the Bridge to Bridge (a huge run that people do for charity and fun) in the paper He announced, as though it was the most normal topic of conversation in the world. Peering at Him over the lung one was trying to cough up at the time one tried not to laugh. Yes He said conversationally, it was broken down into weekly tasks that start this week. Not that we actually want to run the Bridge to Bridge or anything He hastened to add.

What outer ring of hell is this you may be wondering? Well ages ago... before all of this stuff with the health went sort of wrong... one did mention that one would like to run again. Oh not huge distances or anything, but enough to do the block without dying... or needing to be picked up by trained professionals bearing oxygen. Anyway that was the dream. Then the health sort of did a swan dive just in time for the cooler weather that was needed to make the dream come true... Actually one is still a little suspicious that this was the body's way of protecting itself from this new folly but...

So here He is in the middle of the floor announcing a simple plan to make the dream come true. And He is planning on doing it as well. This is where this gets interesting. See... there is no nice way to say this... there probably isn't anyone less inclined towards exercise on the face of the planet than Him. Most people exercise because somewhere along the line their bodies reward them... usually in the form of a little exercise high. He doesn't seem to have any endorphins to do this. No, seriously. We have been together for nearly 15 years and there is no evidence of their existence.
And He doesn't like pain... in any shape or form. There was a reason why one small slave got the short straw in this relationship... and it wasn't just lack of body mass.

Looking at Him... the way you do when you partner of many years suddenly goes insane before your eyes... one checked for a maniacal glint of fever in the eyes and finding none one proceeded to ask why? Why would you want to do this? You don't like pain... or exercise... or getting up in the morning. OK that last one might have been projection... He is far more likely to be up while one small slave lays buried beneath the covers but...
It seems He has decided to do something about his failing health and in true Scorpio form has selected the thing most likely to have the best possible trade off... providing it doesn't kill him first. All that He asks is that one looks over the shoulder to make sure He is still following... not laying on the pavement gasping for medical assistance. Though at this stage one has to say that there will be a 50-50 chance that He may not be alone in that state.

Dear gods we must be insane...
Maybe that is why we have stayed together so long... shared insanity. The difference is that one of us used to be a very good long distance runner... and you know after all these years one can still remember the pain of the first week of that. And one was young and fit to begin with...

Help! He's finally snapped and is trying to kill one small slave...
Redflag redflag redflag redflag redflag redflag redflag redflag redflag

4 comments:

lil said...

So he doesn't like your pain? I feel terribly misguided.

Glad to see you're back up and at em.
And I'm sure they'll have plenty of trained professionals with oxygen standing by...

P.S I cannot in good conscience give credence to your red flag:
http://deviantrabbit.blogspot.com/2012/07/well-alive-at-any-rate.html

I think it might actually be purple...And everyone knows purple is a friendly color!

ancilla_ksst said...

Just tell him that forced exercise is your newest hard limit. You know, just so we can laugh at the results. Beep, beep, watch out for the bus!

Master's piece said...

You are both bitches... in case no one has told you that today :P

ancilla_ksst said...

Oh, that is my other name. Besides "slut".