So excited

All we have to do is get through four shifts, well three in His case as he has done one already, without killing some stupid customer... as a mercy killing you understand... nothing as banal as they were asking for it.... and we will be on holidays. We have plans...

Mostly each other

And we have about two and a half glorious weeks to do it in.

Of course one does have to join the co-workers for a work farewell one night and there is a two day training session booked in... ironically enough on the assorted snake oils that we sell. The manager has given one very specific instructions to not piss the presenters off, call their products snake oil or question them on their junk science and ask where the clinical trials were published. There was also a long list of words that one isn't allowed to use when conversing with them. Actually she offered to gag one before attending if it would make it easier. And it might...

Seriously He might do those sorts of things, but one is pretty sure it would constitute as abuse coming from the boss. Peers around and whispers, anyone know any good lawyers?

So that's three days gone from the holiday...

But that still leaves two weeks for important things...

Each other

Oh and that bloody equine speculum... 

Promises, promises

Hands hauling one up onto knees was what rudely awoke one small slave... though in truth it was about the third or fourth time for the morning. It was so damn hot that one had kept waking up and already the head was muzzy and the temper short. What fucking time is it?

About 5 am... you have time to go back to sleep

No, not really, have to be up at 6.

Why? We aren't going out until 8

Yeah and you will want breakfast, a shower, the bed needs to be stripped... and you will have to sort out what you are wearing... it all takes time

Muttering obscenities one watched Him roll over and dive into a deep post coital sleep...

Fucker!

Lying there one cursed that He has no sense of time, nor any understanding of the delicate process that is getting two people out a door together... preferable both showered and fed. In the end one gave up and got up.

The head was muzzy from lack of sleep and the heat and worst of all...

There was to be no morning mouse

So one small cranky dragonshrew sat nursing a cup of hot water... the steam helped the sinuses if nothing else... and cursed Him some more

See there was no caffeine because we were booked in for fat tests to see how we were going. He had smirked as he delivered the no caffeine blow. And frankly this morning one needed that mouse... beyond bad. So it was a still sulky slave that got into the car and was driven to have electrodes attached to skin while they zapped one with a current to see how much fat was left to go. It was also when they delivered the crippling blow... one has shrunk to a 162 cm or about 5' 3". That means that one is officially short. It also explains why the 7/8 purple trousers that followed one home yesterday were a perfect length... without the usual surgery to remove enough fabric for a small waistcoat L

On the bright side the fat levels are well within the normal range for the age and the muscle exceeds the normal range for the age... actually any age. All those years exercising seem to have paid off in unexpected ways.

Now if they could have just delivered the news over a nice, strong cup of coffee the morning wouldn't have been so bad...

The escape

After the cyclone and torrential rains have subsided what we are left with, apart from the mess, is humidity that makes the air so thick it is hard to breathe. Oh yes and a gym that has been without power for a couple of days... along with our local grocery and fruit shops. So we did the only sensible thing. We toddled off to the shopping centre for some "let's use their air-con and exercise at the same time"... otherwise known as shopping.

He has embraced clothes shopping of late with a vengeance... his wardrobe is stuffed to overflowing. And may one just add that it takes a lot longer to get out the door these days with all that clothes and Converse mixing and matching going on. Of course like all zealots enthusiasts, now that He has run out of room, his attention has turned to one's own wardrobe. That was how one ended up with a belt with a zip. He insists it is a skirt, but one neither trusts Him to tell the truth nor to be completely honest when judging these things. Honestly once the blood flow goes from the brain... yeah not to be trusted at all...

Several hours later we returned bearing prawns for dinner and curled up near a fan. Well one small slave might have been hogging most of that if one is honest. The heat was oppressive to say the least. He lay there making plans for a shower. It didn't happen. In fact after He woke up from the micro sleep he had slid into, he conceded that all was lost. But we are having sex tomorrow He said...

In fact if I wake up in the night we might be having sex earlier than that

Peers around and whispers are they allowed to threaten you like that... it seems so wrong

The weight loss journey

They say the trip is always as important as the destination. Weight loss seems to be no different in some ways. Oh getting there, where ever there may be, will be great, but so far the journey has been fascinating. Mostly because of some rather unexpected discoveries... like the fact that He has a lean athletic frame which was something of a surprise to us both... and the rather interesting conclusions one has started to draw.

They say that weight loss is all about calories in and exercise out. Personally one has always suspected that it is far more complex than that. In fact as one has pontificated ranted in the past if it was that fucking simple one should be the size of a matchstick... albeit one with curves. Now suspecting this is the case and actually being able to prove it are very different things, so here is what one has observed so far...

On this diet, which is a classic body builders strip down diet, heavy on proteins (about 450-500 gms a day), salads, vegetables and water, one is eating about the same amount of calories as before. What has changed is the amount of meals has been increased, while the overall carbohydrate consumption has been decreased... quite dramatically. The difference is that on this diet the weight is slowly but surely going down. So obviously what one is eating is far more important than the calories consumed... as far as the body is concerned at any rate.

The exercise component on this diet is vastly reduced... actually is has almost halved... due to having a gym literally round the corner and being able to do much shorter routines more often.  And still the muscle is increasing while the overall fat is reducing. Which leads on to conclude that, as one has thought before, exercise isn't the be end all of dieting. It would seem that the calories being expended on exercise aren't as important as people insist... in fact some weeks the fat loss has been higher when one hasn't been in the gym at all.

That's not to say exercise isn't important. It is. Just not for the reasons that are usually promoted. The human brain was meant to exercise; it causes interesting changes in chemicals released, cuts down on depression and generally improves mental aptitude. It also increases hunger... which is somewhat of a hindrance to those losing weight J

It is interesting to note that as one gets smaller the hunger increases. Which isn't logical unless the body only releases a percentage of body fat at a time? If that percentage drops as the weight reduces then it would make sense. The body has less available fuel as an overall percentage and would start dropping hints that it would like some more please... like now!

There is this new process to help get rid of fat... they bomb the offending bit of anatomy with focused ultrasound technology to emulsify the fat. You then need to exercise and the body absorbs it as fuel. Well in reality the body seems to do something very similar. The first thing you notice is that the fat under the skin gets sort of wobbly... you can roll it round rather like the wrinkles on a Shar Pei dog.  Then over the next day or so it sort of disappears... and everything is smooth and taunt again. It's kind of fascinating to observe... in a slightly creepy sort of way.

So far one has lost a total of about 15 kg (about 33 lbs) since September... by eating more often and exercising less... go figure J

Slave proposes, Master disposes

He was sitting on the couch, looking rather hot in his button fly jeans... what is it about button flies that work so much better than the far more utilitarian zip... as one sat there idly rubbing his erection through the rather thin denim with a naked foot. Smiling at Him one said why don't we get out of these clothes, go and have a quick shower and umm... you take one to bed for a little oral sex?

So off we scampered together...

Now this is where the happily ever after ending or in this case the happy ending should go, but of course our life is never quite that simple...

We are lying in bed, one of us with legs spread akimbo, when a persistent arrhythmic banging, graunching noise... a noise not caused by us... made a presence.

See we are in the middle of a cyclone at the moment... not the worst one ever, but certainly more noticeable than some. For a change it was bad enough that the awning on our window sounds like Mother Nature is trying to rip the damn thing off and take half the wall with it.

He of course was undeterred by the fact that the room sounded like the inside of a drum... why is it during sex too much audio stimulus will kill any chance of an orgasm for one of us while the other, who can't tune out the sound of muzak in a lift, can carry on undeterred?

And carry on He did. Raising one up onto all fours, He proceeded to deliver the longest, slowest, most painful fucking in the history of our time together. It was painful because that extra inch now hits the cervix, or rather the scar where it used to be. He amused himself by creating little rhythms of pain. Slip, slip, bang. Jab, jab, jab, and slam. In the end the body did the only thing it could and embraced the pain... blocking out the noise long enough to cum in a screaming orgasm.

Afterwards He rolled over to sleep while the other one of us spent an evening on the couch by candle light... 'cos the power went out... for more hours than there were candles L

The day the porn died

Today was Australia Day. Traditionally it is a day of celebrations... ones that were somewhat washed out due to some very welcome rain. It was also the day Google Australia joined the growing ranks of those who censor the net. No longer does an image search bring you a vast array of pics on a topic. Now it brings you the clean, sanitised version of life... the one with no sexual content 'cos that stuff is just nasty and needs to be swept under some little rug.

Of course their argument is that it protects those who were not searching for explicit content. They argue that rather than finding it by accident now all the seeker has to do is be very specific in their searches...

And they aren't kidding... you need to be very specific... vague terms like naked are not enough in most cases

The thing is that while they argue that this is not censorship, the fact remains that they have made life harder not easier... a strange choice for a company that has always prided itself on offering the least amount of effort and somewhat counterintuitive in a search engine one would have thought L

You fucker

No, not Him for a change.

We have a local bus that runs from here to there, stopping at the three shopping centres on the way. Now its final destination is good shopping, not that one uses it very often as it takes nearly an hour and a half to get there. On the way though it does go to a pretty decent shopping centre and one has been known to scamper there for some quiet girl time... or to buy the odd present for Mr. Snoopy.

Well in their infinite wisdom they have decided that the new route will bypass the quasi decent shops and run through their new terminal.

Now to get to the shops you have to walk a rather large block, all up hill, in our Australian sun. Not for the feint hearted or those in heels. Nor, for that matter, simple if you are elderly as the distance is a bit of a challenge. And the return leg is just as special, 'cos laden down with your bags you have to struggle along for the reverse journey. Again, beastly if you are young and way more so if you are elderly. Not to mention if you work there, which many do, you now have to contend with the elements like rain and oh yes the best bit... a rather long walk in low lighting to stand at a station miles away from help of any kind

It was a topic that the bus driver was happy to chat to one woman about...

His sterling bit of advice? Well you can get off at the deviation and catch the local bus... that will go right to the door.

Yes that's right... you can now catch two buses to get to your work or shops... and we can just imagine how well they will sync up can't we? And they wonder why more don't use public transport... it's 'cos the transport never goes where you want it to L

In all of this though one small slave is quietly mournful...

Being able to hop on that bus was the tiny bit of freedom and independence one had left... and now it has gone in a blaze of stupidity cost cutting improvements

Sighs it's like when they improve your breakfast cereal... 

A horse by another name

Showing up on the feeds over at Fet was a fascinating little debate about whether or not you can have a M/s relationship without all that boring obedience stuff. Now people fall into two distinct camps; the "of course you can call your relationship whatever you want to call it" and the "you can call it whatever you like, but it isn't M/s" camp. It is all very predictable... rather like who is showing up in which camp in some ways. Needless to say those on the friends list sit firmly in the second category... as an INTJ one does lean towards pedants J

What is interesting about the debate, to one small slave at any rate, is at what point can you no longer call a relationship M/s? Is it when you actually haven't met? Is it when you do not reside together? Is it when you have removed key features of it out... things like obedience, dominance, control or x? If we can make these relationships whatever we want, then where do we draw the line?

Chatting to Him it was soon apparent that where his line was placed was in a very different spot from one's own. He acknowledged online relationships, whereas one small slave thinks that there is a vast difference between online and having someone in your grill 24/7. As one pointed out most that do move in soon concede there is a huge adjustment period due to that very thing. But maybe the divergence between us is that from a master's point of view, there isn't so much of a difference as there is from a slave's.

They are still issuing orders that are being obeyed... prepared to give the benefit of the doubt here and assume that both parties are being honest in their dealings with each other... and that the relationship doesn't end the minute that the computer screen is turned off. There is still the opportunity to delve into someone's mind to make little tweaks and subtle changes. The levels of adoration are still the same... in fact it may be more intense due to that not being in their grill thing... bad, bad slave for suggesting such a thing J

Meh these are the things that slip around the mind during morning mouse. As always there are more questions than answers...

It's all your fault...

Bitches!

Clejuso #13 handcuffs

These cuffs arrived a while ago and although they have had an airing the thought occurred that they probably should have a review in their own right.

The implement:

• A pair of the second heaviest handcuffs in the world... their big brother is about 1.3 kg...they weigh in at about a kilo (2.2 lbs)
• They are 2.5 cm (1") thick
• They feature a double locking mechanism
• Multiple ratchet settings so they will fit a small or large wrist easily
• Made from nickel plated steel

The pros:

• Due to their shape and thickness they do not cut or dig in
• They do not pinch
• They seem to leave virtually no marks
• They look sexy J

The cons:

• They are very heavy for a girl to wear... or for that matter a smaller man
• There is no escape
• If you wriggle around they will tighten 

These handcuffs are fabulous to look at, but they are not for the faint hearted or the weak of limb J

Small evils

I really want to see the Hobbit, he announced as one was getting ready to go to an early morning dental appointment... what the hell was one thinking when making that appointment... finish a grocery list, sling on a load of laundry and rediscover the kitchen bench that one did remember was there yesterday. How does that happen? One minute it is there, nice and clean, and the next it has been buried under a pile of receipts, electronic gear... glares at the progenitor... and assorted bits and pieces.

Umm... does that have to be done this week?

Well it is probably on its last weeks and I want to see it in 3D He replied

Well perhaps you could check the times one said, heart sinking quietly with dancing visions of no house work getting done

How do you feel about going to Stafford He asked

Why?

Well they have the new screens that are capable of handling a better picture, said the geek with better than 20/ 20 vision

Of course they do... and it is only half way across town

Or we could go to Chermside; they have much better seats He said, moving through the options

Thinking about how long the movie was likely to be one put in a small vote for comfort

So there we are, nestled in what are surprisingly comfortable seats, only to make an uncomfortable discovery. Those shorter skirts that He prefers allow way too much access to nimble, probing fingers... and there is no fabric to hide under L

Orcs are attacking... so are fingers.

Shift in seat...

The party is travelling along a narrow path hugging the mountain side... so are the bloody fingers.

Sighs honestly at the end of that movie one felt like one had been scampering along with the characters

It was a good movie though J

Today's menu

The idea for today was a quick nip to the comic shop to grab a smaller size of His favourite Judge Dread t-shirt, grab a new external hard drive... a bigger one needless to say... get miss kitty a new food bowl 'cos she refuses to eat out of her other new one and find something for lunch. Oh and do the unthinkable and drop in to our local shopping centre for a few items. Oh and drop by the Converse shop to get Him more shoes for his captured breeding program... at least that is what one suspects is going on behind closed cupboard doors.

In theory most of this shouldn't have taken more than a couple of hours... well maybe a bit more with the distance thing thrown in. In reality it took all day. And oddly enough it was the finding something for lunch thing that caused most of the problems. It was a free day which meant that we could have anything we liked...

Why is it, when confronted with that much choice that we both turned to each other, looking rather like rabbits in headlights, and screwed up our noses going... meh, you choose? In the end we settled on sushi... reluctantly... which meant Chermside. And that was where the plan started to unravel just a little...

Well the time certainly did...

It unravelled because of clothes...

It started with Him voluntarily ducking into a shop to look at t-shirts and ended with one small slave purchasing... peers around furtively and whispers, trousers. Now there is a strict "skirts unless permission is granted for an exception" rule around here. A rule He relaxed on the spot when he saw the trousers (which is a lose descriptor) on. That is how one ended up with a pair of pants that any hooker would be proud to wander round in. The things are so damn tight that there are probably body parts that will not receive their quota of oxygen while they are on.

In fact one had something rather similar in the 80's...

Sighs and one doesn't remember paying quite that much for them last time L

The rebuttal

Remind me never to ask you for a reference He said, standing there as one took off his shoes. Only you could write a praise piece that contains the words selfish and...
What you didn't like the zinger on the end one enquired sweetly, kneeling there struggling with the double knot He insists on using on his work shoes
And to add insult to injury there was no mayonnaise with my egg He added warming to his theme. There was no hommus... nothing. I had to eat a plain egg, He said in an aggrieved voice

Sighs that egg will come back to haunt. You wait; every lunch box that leaves here will be inspected for mayonnaise deficiency 'cos one small slave can no longer be trusted :(

The other knight

Generally He is not a white knight... in fact one would go as far as saying that "not very helpful" is usually taken to the other side. Often to a place where words like egocentric, self absorbed and downright selfish reign, but that's OK 'cos one can be right up there with Him. The difference is of course that one of us works on their issues...

Smirks and preens while peeping out from under the eyelashes to see who is laughing... your names are being taken.

Anyway today is day three of a migraine that just won't quit. Oh the migraine meds clear it for a while and then back it comes in the evening. Just in time for the bus ride home... and isn't that a treat L The only reason one is going to work in this state is... well they have air-con and it is so damn hot here and the air is still laden with the smell of smoke. That and the fact that the only other person qualified to do the job had been given an extra day off and one was damned if her long weekend plans with her family were going to be interrupted... she works more hours than virtually anyone there and is owed more time than she will ever see back.

Today though was the worst day so far and one had asked if He would take one to work. As it turned out it was just as well one had because it took nearly an hour just to get upright and functional. So instead of spending over an hour in transit one spent 20 minutes zipping along by car. It was bliss and we got to see each other... squeeeee Of course the trip home was less spectacular as the migraine circled around. And one was dreading coming back to a hot little home and a mound of dishes... that frankly one was still too sick to stand upright to do.

The cat was there to greet one at the gate... mostly to complain about its appalling treatment at His hands. You know cats are a lot like some people... very quick to blame, rather than taking responsibility for their own actions. It had food, just elected not to come in, preferring to accost one at the gate and bitch... but one digresses. So one struggled in bearing bags, His work shirt, more meds and all of this ably assisted by the cat that was helping by providing a furry obstacle course...

And lo...

There it was...

A pile of clean washing up.

Honestly one could have worshiped Him on the spot... hell one would have kissed his feet had they been around.

You know His callous disregard for others is sometimes offset by these little moments...

Wonders if it is some sort of self preservation thing that allowed Him to not be killed while too young to defend himself... all the while conditioning others by lowering their expectations. 

An unexpected bonus

With the weight loss there has been an unexpected development. The collar is now too big... and yes there are smaller ones lying around, but this one feels so nice

Wonders idly how much weight would need to be lost to slip the damned thing before it accidently slips off... 

Good news

The sprained ankle has finally regained full mobility. Oh it has been fine to walk on and what have you... it just wouldn't flex fully when turned inwards. It took seven months to get it to that stage and another few months to where it is now... fully functional and strong. Sprained ankles are funny things and (although one was walking on it virtually the next day) it was a very bad sprain. Chatting to an acquaintance who was involved in a horrific accident, which resulted in years of corrective surgery, he said that the thing that took the longest to recover from was the sprained ankle he received.

The complete recovery has happened just in time for the hot weather. This is an unfortunate bit of timing and one that is going to hamper the work on a personal fitness goal... to be able to run around the block without needing a stretcher and oxygen. Fitness is a strange thing. All types of exercise need different types of fitness. So while one is fitter than most... running is damned hard... on everything. It is particularly tough on lungs that have scar tissue from the little bout of pleurisy, pneumonia and a partial collapse, affectionately known round here as the Christmas special.

While the block is not huge it might as well be a half marathon as far as some body parts are concerned. Not that one is planning on a marathon at any stage... far too much respect for the aging joints. A block however, is a reasonable goal. Well it is for someone who used to be a damned good long distance runner. So for now one has to content oneself with running on treadmills until it is cool enough to run outside. A situation that one is the first to admit is much easier on those aging joints J

How do we get to be like this? You watch children running around... everywhere. Something happens to us as adults. We stop running around and become respectable and sedentary. We no longer run and shriek (both excellent for the lungs) and start plodding along, weighed down by the responsibility of being an adult.

So yeah... the block... running...

Maybe no shrieking though...

Well not after the first few weeks at any rate...

The pain has to stop some time...

Right?

Doc Johnson: Glass wand

This was picked up a while back and like so many toys sat in a box unnoticed. It was rediscovered while ratting around in aforementioned box trying to find something else. Hauling it to the light one thought this might be interesting as a shape and looking at it one suspects it was designed as a g-spot stimulator, though it would probably work just as well on the prostrate. Best of all it is just the right size for an anal toy, for someone who doesn't have the household motto of "go big or go home".

Besides the box was entertaining in its own right...

Named the Serenity and described as "sensual glass" with a "two ended spherical form" that "allows for rolling pleasure and smooth deep insertion"...

Cough, cough whatever where they taking at the time of writing that blurb and why didn't it come in the box too? Scampers off to double check the packaging...

Sighs no luck

 

The implement:

• Glass
• Measures 18 cm (7") long from end to end
• Small head is about 3 cm (1 1/8") in diameter
• Large head is about 4 cm (1 5/8") in diameter

The pros:

• Choice of end sizes so you can gently stretch things open
• Easy to clean
• Smooth surface always makes an easy insertion

The cons:

• The curve is just the wrong shape to get it all the way in the arse. It stops about an inch short... but that is probably not an issue for most. In fact it would probably give some a sense of security as there is no fear of losing it J

Infection... ground zero

A while back one mentioned that His cholesterol levels had dropped on this diet. This was of particular interest to our vanillas as one of them has the highest levels of cholesterol that the specialist has ever seen... it wasn't just double digits... it was more... take one's own rather high figure and slap a zero on the end of it. Anyway the upshot of this was after starting off with meds combined with a traditional low fat, no red meat diet they decided to switch.

They decided to switch for a lot of reasons; in part because he was actually putting on weight... it had got to the stage where he was wheezing while sitting... and because... well he kept cheating. The minute her back was turned there he was stuffing his face with things not on the approved list. There was one spectacular case, when they were away, that involved her finding him sampling an entire counters worth of baklava. It seems they make a huge range of it... and there he was happily browsing through it all.

Anyway they switched about two weeks ago and we didn't expect them to stay on it. Actually we figured she would be the first to drop off because she doesn't eat. Honestly she has been starving herself since childhood from what one can work out. And she was struggling to eat six times a day, let alone eat protein rather than the fruit and vegetables that make up her normal fare. Well the long and the short of this is that they sent us a little message to say that he lost 2 kg and she lost 2.6 kg this week and they are thrilled.

Now to give you an idea of the difference in the approach between men and women...

She and one small slave have the same body shape. The trouble with being an hourglass figure is that you can drop ten kilos and no one will notice... hey the upside is you can put it on and the only thing that can tell is your clothes... and they can't talk. So we made a deal...

When we see each other we will air kiss and say oh sweetie you are looking so thin

He on the other hand has dieters envy...

I'm doing everything right and exercising... they aren't exercising... and I'm only losing a kilo a week. Grumble, grumble, whine, whine...

Face it he has a faster metabolism... for the size of the meals he was eating, combined with his sedentary lifestyle, he should have been the size of a house. And she is very overweight... and has had food issues since childhood... be happy for them.

Oh I am... it's just unfair

Honestly He is so damn competitive about the strangest of things sometimes... and you can be damned sure this will just spark a new level of determination...

He will become the diet Nazi L

Walking on sunshine

It was one of those days when you just have to leave the house or kill each other. The weather has been abominably hot for a couple of weeks, there is often little in the way of a breeze and when it is present it just drives a heavy pall of smoke over the entire bay area. Needless to say we woke up tired, grumpy and fractious. Well one of us was all three... He is rarely grumpy.

So it was decided to go out for Yum Cha... 'cos let's be honest someone wheeling food past is always a cheering sight... and go on to do some clothes shopping. An idea that we will return to, just as soon as one has finished waxing lyrical about those little bits of sunshine known as custard tarts. They are always the best thing about Yum Cha... the secret is to grab them when they come past otherwise they never reappear when you need them. And make no mistake they are a need.

They are the perfect combination of an egg custard that is firm yet moist and flaky pastry that is so sweet it just dissolves on the tongue. Unfortunately when on a low carb diet they have the effect of hitting the system like rocket fuel...

In fact one sat at the table with a sugar buzz that made the light almost too bright for a few minutes.

But they are so worth it J

It was in that happy state that one was taken away to go shopping for clothes... for HIm. Now generally men do not like clothes shopping. Masters are no exception it would seem. The difference is that one got to trot along behind Him carrying an assortment of bags... and damn some of them were heavy... while he fingered fabrics, whined about the quality and finish and generally looked like someone was out to rob him. The annoying thing was that most of this probably won't fit Him or stay up without a belt in the next couple of months... it's not like he is going to have a long term relationship with any of it.

You know three hours of that process killed any happy sugar buzz... dead in the water. In fact all one could do was think about coffee... preferably jacked straight into a vein. Maybe with a portable device, like they use in hospitals for fluids, so it could be put on a steady drip

And best of all one knows that it will have to be done again... probably in the nearish future

Wonders idly if next time the tarts could be packed up for transportation... wuffling through sugary crumbs would have to reduce the ennui of standing outside of changing rooms for hours, surely?

Things you don't know about...

Often one sees those question lists for bloggers and there is one that says what are X things that your viewers don't know about you?

Well there is probably only one thing that you don't know about one small slave by now... or for that matter haven't seen by now... and that is...

As a human being one is a complete klutz. Betcha didn't know that from all those pics J

The whole thing started as a child... in fact it was so bad that there wasn't skin on the big toes for like... ever. There weren't usually knees in one's trousers either... or they were covered in blood from the toes. In the end out of complete desperation mother put one into ballet classes... it wasn't just to fulfil her own dream of being a dancer. It was to teach one small child how to pick up her feet and not trip over them.

And for years it worked... people often commented on how gracefully one moved. It just hasn't stuck. As one ages the klutz factor has come back. So far this week, without leaving the comfort of the home, one has walked into a shelving unit, a door jam, tripped up a stair and, most frustrating of all, just slopped precious morning mouse all over oneself. You wouldn't think the trip from desk to mouth could be so perilous. Unfortunately there was a knee in the way L

Sighs at this rate one will soon be too scared to leave the house... mind you it's not exactly safe there... He lives there too

Boundaries

His hand snaked up to pinch a nipple as one stood next to him trying to read something on the computer screen

Stop that!

His hand reached out to repeat the act

No! Stop that! That is so damned annoying.

His hand aimed for the other nipple...

You don't respect one's boundaries at all

You don't get to have any boundaries, He replied with a laugh

Of course one does. It's just that you just run rough shod over them or ignore them completely

He laughed...

And lunged for the nipples again

Bastard!

Ummm... sorry?

Over the years there have been some funny searches that show up on the stats. There have also been the odd ones that are dubious in nature. Not so much for their content as much as one is a little unsure whether to be insulted or amused. The most recent of these was "a naked man stretching his own anus".

Now, one is the first to admit that one has lost weight... mainly off the arse... in fact in the right light it could be described as boyish... if you squint just right

But looking like a naked man? And what the fuck was Google doing offering one up like that?

Sighs oh well the searcher was probably equally bewildered too J

Alternate realities

There is a pic up on FB at the moment...

"The real reason women love Christian Grey:

Tells her to eat more, begs to take her shopping, loves his mother, spoons in his sleep, never plays Xbox, great dancer, always makes sure she finishes first."

Yeah they forgot is filthy rich one sniggered from the lounge as He read it out loud

Actually maybe what one needs is to retrain you...

Yeah good luck with that He replied. 

There was a moment of silence and then He says no, this could work...

I will tell you to eat more; until you are unhappy with your body

I will take you shopping; until your credit cards are maxed out. And think how much you will enjoy being confronted by those changing room mirrors with your new body

I will invite my mother up here more often so you can spend more time together

I will spoon you in my sleep; in thirty (90 F) odd degrees... 

The body was starting to curl in a foetal position at the thought

I will never play Xbox... 

By this stage one was just imagining how that extra time would be spent L

I will take you dancing; I'll sign us up for dance lessons... 

Yeah that is right up there with being spooned

I will always make sure you cum first; right before I fuck you in the arse... 

Imagining how much that would hurt with the lowered endorphin levels one cried uncle!

He is a mean, mean man L

Bastard!

Unfair advantage- Him

Black hearted

Compromise sucks

It was a long hot sweaty day where nothing went quite according to plan. Oh it has some highs and some small achievements... just none of it went quite right. In the end one headed once more to the shower conceding defeat.

Want me to follow He asked, eyebrows wagging in a suggestive manner

Well one would kill for a back wash... small massage... you know... and with that one retreated before He could reach around the desk

In one's defence it was hot and sticky and still, with the threat of a storm that would never materialise.... whines wasn't thinking clearly... 'cos otherwise one wouldn't have retreated to the smallest space in the flat...

The shower door opened and there He was...

Pinning one to the wall He thrust into one's arse and...

Proceeded to lather one's back up and massage it

Umm... what are you doing?

Killing two birds with one stone He replied

That was not what one had in mind... at all. It wasn't the least bit relaxing or soothing.

He does this shit deliberately L

Self inflicted

Coming home from the gym at 6.30 pm one found Him, sound asleep on the couch, hands tucked neatly under his chin. His eyes fluttered open...

Hey there, why don't you go to bed?

He peered at one blearily...

Oh right, you will be awake at 3 am

And so will you, as I fuck you in the arse repeatedly He said, leering up at one in a suggestive manner

Sighing with exasperation one suggested a shower to perk Him up

It seemed to work... He pressed one into the bathroom wall as he went past...

Oh no you don't one said, slipping out of His grasp. Otherwise you will cum and be asleep in five seconds flat

But I won't care...

And I won't be alone when I'm awake either, He retorted

Sighs with resignation... no good is going to come of this attitude... well not for one small slave at any rate L

The survivalists guide to Fet

In a reply to a post the other day tori made some interesting comments and one thought they were worthy of looking at. To be honest one figured she wasn't alone in some of the issues and views she had and thought this might be of value to others. Hopefully it may make some of you have an easier time of it.

Her first comment was...

I joined fet quite recently but found it difficult to navigate, perhaps i didnt give it enough time to get used to!

When one first arrived on Fet the choices were very limited. The Ms group was open to all comers and that... well the reason many of us left the last public place was the complications that arose from that type of arangement. So one pottered around the edges reading and catching up with those one knew from other places. We clustered together behind the scenes, using the memo system so thoughtfully provided, whilst marshalling our forces. Starting up a group was a natural progression...

Having said that Fet is a shit of a place to navigate in some ways. Honestly the best way to get around Fet, if you are a blogger/ reader, is to stalk those you know from the blogosphere... they often have the same nic. Then stalk their friends... see where they go, who they hang out with and work out what interests you and what doesn't.

Search groups by interest... what are you interested in, how do you self identify... oddly enough one will never be a member of the Submissive Women group.... and those groups that are just generally interesting to read even though you may not be the intended demographic. If nothing else some of it can spark interesting conversations at home J

I did join a few groups but to be honest i found they could be quite cliche, like being back at school where there are the...'the cool ones' 'the nerds' 'the loners' etc

Now Fet is an odd site in that it provides the arena and anyone can come along and start up a group. Each group runs itself like small fiefdoms. Those who start it make the rules and enforce them... and like any small holding some are better run than others. By their very nature they are going to be a clique. As one has said before a clique isn't necessarily a bad thing, it depends on the leader and the intent.

Plus i can be quite outspoken and thats not always appreciated especially if it goes against the 'one twue way' lo

Ah now this brings us to a very interesting point. Most groups don't have a problem with outspoken... there are some notable exceptions... see that comment above about how some things are run. Where the troubles usually arise is when people can't distinguish between being outspoken and not respecting a groups boundaries. And though one can't imagine tori doing these things, one does see people committing the same tactical errors repeatedly. Hell they do it in our group with alarming frequency L

So let's have a look at the sure fired ways of putting your foot in it so badly that you are going to need a surgical team to extract it.

The top ten are...

1. Not checking if the group you are joining is actually an appropriate fit... just because you think it is doesn't mean others will see it that way
2. Not actually reading the rules in spite of "saying" you have... no one likes a fibber
3. Not taking the time to read the stickies... chances are someone has already done your half your work for you... no need to torture them further
4. Posting things that are off topic to the group or the thread... we get that you want to share... just exercise some caution in the beginning until you get a feel of the place. If in doubt contact the group owner or mods... they are usually only too happy to help... it saves mopping up afterwards
5. Posting things that don't actually say what you mean... words are funny things... the written word is often less so.
6. Telling others they are doing it wrong... this includes heavily implying it as well
7. Telling others they are not doing it the one true way... it doesn't make them feel much else besides relieved and annoyed in equal parts
8. Using the word true... it's like red rags to a bull in any context... except in jest and even then it can be hard to tell it apart in a written medium
9. Using broad sweeping statements and then trying to defend them against all odds when people call you on your shit
10. Outing yourself as a complete twonk and then trying to back track/ defend it... see point above... actually see all points above

Those things are very different from being outspoken. They are things that bug the crap out of people and make them swarm all over your arse... violently. And being new will not save you... ignorance is no defence J

At the end of the day the best advice one can give is simply this...

Before you post ask yourself on a scale of 1-10 how invested am I? If it is floating round an eight it is probably time to walk away and do something else... before you hit say it!

Crossing to the dark side

There is a whole side of our workplace that one avoids. In fact that side makes one cringe and feel dirty just walking by. Unfortunately that side of the room is very popular at this time of the year, so one ends up on it in spite of one's best endeavours to avoid it. Customers make one go there... they know not what they ask.

See after the Christmas excess and when all the bad foods have gone, peoples' thoughts turn to other things... getting rid of the weight. More importantly women, in particular, want something to do the job fast... preferably without diet and exercise. They don't want to make the time to change their lives, they want instant gratification. In other words they want a miracle.

In this day and age the snake oil salesman is alive and well... and living on that side of the wall. See all along that wall are pills and potions promising the solution of your problems. And these companies promise you the earth and the moon and the stars. There are things that claim to speed up the metabolism, things to flush out and detox the body, things to make people thinner, more comely, more worthy and loved.

So here is the thought for the day... before you give them your money.... have a look at the ingredients. You will find they feature caffeine in all its many forms. Why? Well it suppresses your appetite and gives you more zip. And they can't put amphetamines in their products anymore, so caffeine is the next best thing.

Oh it might be disguised as Chocolate, Green Tea or Guarana... hell often times you might find all three side by side along with added caffeine. If you are lucky there might even be some fibre to help you feel fuller for longer. And for the pleasure of making your heart race, either as a side effect to their ingredients or as a response to their slick ad campaigns, they will charge you a goodly sum.

Honestly you would have just as much luck with a fibre supplement, a good cup of coffee and a brisk walk around the block. It would set you back a lot less as well L

Let the good times roll

Fet is a strange animal in that you can start a group about almost anything... unless it is going to interfere with their revenue stream of course... then there is a subtle change in attitude. As a result there are three types of groups that emerge; the small special interest groups, the larger, long running special interest groups and the response to those other groups. They are usually started up by someone who has a beef or who is just fed up with the dominant paradigm. Those latter ones are often hugely popular and short lived.

They are that way because people move on emotionally, realise that running a long term group is hard work and it runs out of momentum or it reaches a point when people realise that while all that snark is fun that it doesn't enrich their lives quite as much as the new group come to take its place.

At the moment a group such as this is littering the feed. It was started as a joke for those who are doing it wrong and it does look like a lot of fun. To the point that one is almost half tempted to join in...

Except for one little problem...

It will only be a matter of time before it starts to change. 

The signs and portents are already there. In the couple of weeks it has been running it has subtly started to evolve...

Into a group that is now mocking others who are doing it wrong

Sighs it's such a fine line...

Radical improvements?

The New Year

They say you should start the New Year as you wish to carry on...

So let's just have a look at how that worked out shall we?

Let' see...

We spent the day in bed, grazing, catching up on Breaking Bad and bemoaning the fact that we were so behind in it. One small slave folded the laundry done this morning, while He paired up his socks in the precise manner that reunites one white sock with its mate. Still a little hazy as to how that is done because they all look the same... must be something to do with that better than 20/ 20 vision thing that He has. He spent the day pouncing on exposed body parts causing equal amounts of pleasure and annoyance before dying at 7.30 pm. Leaving one small slave with 16oz of Njoy shoved in the arse and the realisation that the rubbish bins hadn't been put out...

This is not an auspicious beginning...

In fact one would go as far as saying that things need to improve radically... that and we are obviously too old to spend a night on the tiles. Half the trouble was that we were wrecked from not getting home until 5.30 am this morning.

Sighs oh well there are still 364 days left to work on J