Saturday, January 5, 2013

The survivalists guide to Fet

In a reply to a post the other day tori made some interesting comments and one thought they were worthy of looking at. To be honest one figured she wasn't alone in some of the issues and views she had and thought this might be of value to others. Hopefully it may make some of you have an easier time of it.

Her first comment was...

I joined fet quite recently but found it difficult to navigate, perhaps i didnt give it enough time to get used to!

When one first arrived on Fet the choices were very limited. The Ms group was open to all comers and that... well the reason many of us left the last public place was the complications that arose from that type of arangement. So one pottered around the edges reading and catching up with those one knew from other places. We clustered together behind the scenes, using the memo system so thoughtfully provided, whilst marshalling our forces. Starting up a group was a natural progression...

Having said that Fet is a shit of a place to navigate in some ways. Honestly the best way to get around Fet, if you are a blogger/ reader, is to stalk those you know from the blogosphere... they often have the same nic. Then stalk their friends... see where they go, who they hang out with and work out what interests you and what doesn't.
Search groups by interest... what are you interested in, how do you self identify... oddly enough one will never be a member of the Submissive Women group.... and those groups that are just generally interesting to read even though you may not be the intended demographic. If nothing else some of it can spark interesting conversations at home J

I did join a few groups but to be honest i found they could be quite cliche, like being back at school where there are the...'the cool ones' 'the nerds' 'the loners' etc

Now Fet is an odd site in that it provides the arena and anyone can come along and start up a group. Each group runs itself like small fiefdoms. Those who start it make the rules and enforce them... and like any small holding some are better run than others. By their very nature they are going to be a clique. As one has said before a clique isn't necessarily a bad thing, it depends on the leader and the intent.

Plus i can be quite outspoken and thats not always appreciated especially if it goes against the 'one twue way' lo

Ah now this brings us to a very interesting point. Most groups don't have a problem with outspoken... there are some notable exceptions... see that comment above about how some things are run. Where the troubles usually arise is when people can't distinguish between being outspoken and not respecting a groups boundaries. And though one can't imagine tori doing these things, one does see people committing the same tactical errors repeatedly. Hell they do it in our group with alarming frequency L

So let's have a look at the sure fired ways of putting your foot in it so badly that you are going to need a surgical team to extract it.

The top ten are...
  1. Not checking if the group you are joining is actually an appropriate fit... just because you think it is doesn't mean others will see it that way
  2. Not actually reading the rules in spite of "saying" you have... no one likes a fibber
  3. Not taking the time to read the stickies... chances are someone has already done your half your work for you... no need to torture them further
  4. Posting things that are off topic to the group or the thread... we get that you want to share... just exercise some caution in the beginning until you get a feel of the place. If in doubt contact the group owner or mods... they are usually only too happy to help... it saves mopping up afterwards
  5. Posting things that don't actually say what you mean... words are funny things... the written word is often less so.
  6. Telling others they are doing it wrong... this includes heavily implying it as well
  7. Telling others they are not doing it the one true way... it doesn't make them feel much else besides relieved and annoyed in equal parts
  8. Using the word true... it's like red rags to a bull in any context... except in jest and even then it can be hard to tell it apart in a written medium
  9. Using broad sweeping statements and then trying to defend them against all odds when people call you on your shit
  10. Outing yourself as a complete twonk and then trying to back track/ defend it... see point above... actually see all points above
Those things are very different from being outspoken. They are things that bug the crap out of people and make them swarm all over your arse... violently. And being new will not save you... ignorance is no defence J

At the end of the day the best advice one can give is simply this...
Before you post ask yourself on a scale of 1-10 how invested am I? If it is floating round an eight it is probably time to walk away and do something else... before you hit say it!


tori said...

Ok im tempted to give it another shot.

Sensible advice and really common sense thinking about it.

c said...

The only time I really started to get carried away in a FetLife-discussion because *people were wrong on the Internet!!!!" Mistress forbid me to post more than one post a day. It's really hard to properly argue with someone that way. She lifted the ban eventually, but I still try not to answer when something goads me. It's better to let it lie.

But yeah. FetLife is kind of hard to navigate. I'm hoping Mistress will join someday, but I think the not so intuitive layout is one of the things that keeps her away.

ancilla_ksst said...

tori- if you do go back to fetlife again you can look me up under ancilla_ksst and send me a friend request.

I pretty much just followed people whose posts I liked around at first.

Master's piece said...

Same here. Some of the friends on Fet are followers of the blog who like to keep up with other pics that get posted there, see what one is doing in groups etc., and generally for ease of stalking purposes. Feel free to drop a line :D