Sunday, October 13, 2013

Does practice make perfect

Thinking about ancilla_ksst's comment yesterday it got one to wondering if there is something to the idea that the possibility of forever is predicated on the believing our own experiences. She believes in forever because that is what she has witnessed. He believes in forever because his family don't do divorces... well apart from his sister, but her bad taste in men is almost the stuff of legends.
Whispers honestly the more time one spends with His family the more one suspects that he isn't related to her at all.

Generally though, the women in His family come out of the womb singing stand by your man. That's not to say they aren't feisty and woe betide the fool that thinks they are otherwise, but divorce is not usually an option. And His grandmother had just cause. His grandfather was such a keen angler that the man had to move his family to a larger town with a bigger pond.

He used to say forever in the beginning of our relationship and one used to say forever is a very long time. Frankly given one's track record as a serial leaver the expectations weren't high. In fact the very idea used to make one hyperventilate just thinking about it. The trick one discovered was not to think about it, but just accept it the way He did.

That's not to say one always found it easy. It goes against everything a person like oneself believes in. But then one came from a family where the men disappeared... often overnight. And when they did get back together it was to conduct particularly bloody divorces. They were the sorts of divorces that dragged the children through the courts, along with any other dirty laundry that could be unearthed. 

Being a planner there was always a contingency plan, a backup plan, a quick escape route and/ or a safety net. It was how one always did relationships... one eye on the door and the other on the suitcase.  At the first sign of trouble that relationship would be burned and one would be off into the wild blue yonder and the next relationship. Yet here we are all these years later and He is still the love of one's life. 

These days He says forever and one breathes quite normally. Well the heart does a little lurch, but it's not the panicked kind. In fact it's kind of affirming. 
Besides, the suitcase seems to be missing J

2 comments:

ancilla_ksst said...

I think it very much has to do with personal experiences. Very much.

Neale Wolfson said...

I think it's part that and just part the attitude you expressed halfway through. You decided to take it as it comes.

Now me and my wife have a very 'odd' marriage shall we say, but we're also so very alike it can be scary. We're soulmates despite the problems, and we always just take things as they come, even some of those annoying habits we both have.