Sunday, January 15, 2012

Spelling things out

We are part of that weird and freaky group that subscribe to the whole can't leave theory. Now before you get your chaps in a cinch consider a few things first...
For us not leaving means...
You bloody well stay and fight it out until you reach a resolution.
You commit to whatever changes are needed.
You grow together and if it means that one small slave gets to do shit that there is zero interest in, then that is what happens... all one has to do is adjust. Graceful is a goal, not a prerequisite.
You adjust, you adapt, you mutate.

Maybe a better phrase is won't leave, but having tried and literally been unable to do it... can't is more accurate. Now there was whole process to getting to that point... we met, we became friends... it was all we could do as we were both with other people at the time. We flirted, we danced too close to the edge, we slipped and we fell into each other. We were passion and lust and we woke up and realised life wouldn't ever be the same even if we didn't do it... so we did. We tore strips off each other, we talked... about everything, we were brutal, we flensed each other. We were forever changed.... and there was no going back to who or what we were. We bonded with each other in a strange and hinky way...

See most people get together and as the old saying goes... men go into a relationship thinking they won't change and women go into a relationship thinking they will change him. The reality is that all relationships change you... regardless of gender. The minute you start to think about another person and their wellbeing you start to change. If you think that sounds too much like compromising, then you are in for a rude surprise... there is no escaping change in a relationship.
You change, you adapt, you mutate.

The difference is that in a consensual non-consent relationship, there's that oxymoron again, He gets to dictate the direction and many of the changes to one small slave's psyche. And He doesn't have to get permission to do it. It was given at the beginning... and seeing as we are being honest it wasn't exactly informed consent either. How could it be? We had no idea where this was going to lead... hence down the rabbit hole... indeed we still don't.

Now some would argue that like many abused people, one has no way to know that one is abused. And they are right. But having lived with someone who one would describe as abusive, all one can say is that this is very different...
Maybe He is just better at it.
Maybe He is art and finesse rather than overt violence.
Maybe it doesn't matter when we are together.
See this stuff is only complicated when you try and explain it to others... we swim along just fine.

We do not advocate, recommend or promote the ideas that others do this... in fact some of our group have blatantly told people to not even think about trying it. Beside none of us are the recruiting types... far too bloody insular by inclination J

6 comments:

lil said...

Lol, if you were in the recruiting business I doubt it would be going well--what with all those scary things that look like they really Don't fit up anything human.

If I mention this post I'm going from a "beneficial parasite" to a "mutating parasite"...Not sure I like the ring of that one...

In all seriousness though, none of us know where we are going because we haven't been there yet right? And sometimes our preconceived notions just complicate shit. Well ahem, speaking for myself anyways lol.

Master's piece said...

You know the strange thing is we never went into this with preconceived notions... well we thought there would be more time for sex... but life keeps trying to intervene same as always :( No, what has been fascinating is everyone else's preconceived notions... that and how they seem to feel obliged to tell you that your life is in danger, danger, Will Robinson ~sighs~

Vixen B-Ab said...

*snicker* I prefer my illusionary world thankyouverymuch. It's the illusion that I have some control of my life left, that how I live my life is controlled by me and not him. Then he opens his mouth and I get a slap in the face as to exactly how little control I have left. *shrugs* But that's what works for us. *mutters something about fabric and whines at the bags destined for the thrift shop*

MsSparkles said...

'Can't leave' is always the one that pisses people off isn't it? Interestingly though it's the one that peaks peoples interest most. When N started that 'Why I Can't Leave' thread both out inboxes were besieged - we still get memos sometimes.

daddysdirtyblonde said...

Thank you for posting that, it resonates and I just wanted to say I appreciate your honesty and candidness about your relationship.

bottomoftherabbithole said...

"in fact some of our group have blatantly told people to not even think about trying it."
Yeah, I'll admit to that. I think that most people simply don't have the sheer stubborness that it takes at times.