Why can't we get along?

It is the war cry of both groups and individuals... usually when they are in a situation where they should be taking a stand. See the whole idea of getting along is a fallacy, particularly in groups on the net. Why you may be wondering is it not going to happen? Well the answer is very simple... imagine getting a group of strangers off the street, shoving them in a room and walking off saying play nice... as you leave them with no real consequences for their actions. How long do you think that is going to last before shit happens?

In some ways groups online are no different from doing just that thing... and usually with very similar results. If you look at the average board there is a huge variety of relationships, language styles and beliefs. So the first thing they do it talk in an endeavour to get to know each other. And they are all talking about stuff that is important to them and that is interesting to them. Yeah you can almost see where that one is going can't you?

Now, every once in a while someone comes along and thinks the solution to this is to start a group for friends... and boy are they the quickest way to lose them. See if you take a group of people who know someone who knows someone, the minute there is any contention you are going to have party lines forming. And sides being taken and butt hurties all over the place. Oh what you thought because you were friends it wouldn't be like that? Think again you poor, sweet, deluded fool.

It's going to be worse if the group is smaller and someone has tried to cap it in some way. When you make people compete for space... it always gets ugly. Why? Well not only are people territorial, but they want their friends in that group. Oh no space... let's start a fight to make a little room. Oh they aren't quite like us... let's kick them out... that will free up a place. Before long it is going to get brutal... rather like "Highlander". And don't think that the leadership won't be challenged frequently either; if you make a place competitive... well some people are very competitive.

What is really going to add to the pressure to a group like that is not just the friendships, but the social splits along who is owned and who isn't quite so owned. Why you may be wondering? Well you see although they all know each other and about each other, they really don't understand each other at all. They have no terms of reference. And the only way they can get them is to duke it out amongst themselves... oh and there we are, back to butt hurties again.

See ultimately the O/p crowd hang out in their own group for a reason. It is so they don't have keep having those get to know you disagreements again and again. We have a common reference point and although we all practice different styles of relationships, there are some points of commonality that we don't have to explain to each other. Silly things like we don't have hours to spend online, that our owners are the law in our households, that we aren't really going to be answering to anyone but them... the list goes on and on, but you get the idea. Usually in our group the only issues we have are with those who are not in our demographic at all. And they are always the ones who go stomping off whining the loudest when we point out to them you are not our people. Strange that... but back to friends all getting along...

Long term that pressure cooker is going to produce some other interesting side effects too... See the only way you are going to minimise the fallout is to make the group very homogenised and that has issues too. It ultimately leads to a form of fatigue... without new blood a group soon withers and dies because after a while you all know each other's positions on everything. Or worse you end up only chatting about safe things... like cooking. You see in this world there are worse things than not all getting along... and that is getting along J