Saturday, May 14, 2011

Losing your lesbian card

Joking on the group about losing your lesbian card one made the comment that one couldn't get laid covered in shots with beer chasers. And the sad thing is in this town it is true... the sisterhood has a looong memory. It's the only way they can keep track of who they haven't slept with yet. And if you think that sounds catty, you haven't been in a room full of women who have slept with every other person at the party in the last 10-15 years.

When we separated she got all the friends in the divorce. Even the friends one had made at uni. Hell she even got the friends of more than 15 years, that dated back to one's murky past. Why? Well they were gay... some of them for the second time.

See when we separated it caused a lot of ripples. We were an active part of the gay community. Orphans day on Christmas, the annual pool party, fund raising type members. As one baby dyke said when she found out, this is like your parents getting divorced. See we had been together seven years (yeah such a cliché) which in lesbian years is like 15 in straight time.

Now the fact that the split was eventually amicable (Don't get one wrong... it was hard work in the beginning, but we had joint property and other ties so it was in our best interest to do so.) was irrelevant in the eyes of others. In one sexual act one has ceased to be a lesbian and the card was revoked. Access Denied.

The stupid thing is that in some ways one doesn't really identify as bisexual or straight and it left one in a sort of limbo. Historically though one slept with both genders, all the long term live in relationships were with women. Men are great for uncomplicated sex... they are just difficult to live with. Conversely women are better to live with, but hell in bed long term. You end up falling into the no sex syndrome, otherwise know as  lesbian bed death

Meh... who said sexual politics are simple?

Of course the silly thing was it brought us closer together as a couple. No distractions you see... no phone calls, no invites, no clubbing... nothing. Just silence. He was surprised and a little appalled at the response. Personally one was just pissed off. All those people one had supported, cared for, loved, dried tears for, counselled... gone. Fifteen years, in some cases, wiped out because one fell in love and had sex. With a man.


Brittany Lynn said...

Might draw some flak for saying this but sometimes the gay/lesbian community is just as judgmental about the straight community. I know because my lesbian friends stopped talking to me once I started going out with men instead.

MsSparkles said...

It was a big shock when on moving to the sticks, where I now live with a bloke I realised suddenly that I was seen as straight. Suddenly that was the starting assumption and every now & then there would be some gossiping scandal about what was always my norm.

But I'm not straight. I'll never be straight & I object to my history being rewritten and my enormous efforts being disregarded just because I happen to share a a bed with a man. This rankles especially as I always defined as bisexual, even in print.

The investment other people put into our relationships is bizarre really, but at least it prepared me a little better for FL :)

Master's piece said...

Nothing prepares you for Fet :(

Mockingbird no one is going disagree with you on that one... well no one who has been excommunicated at any rate :)