A special day

Now most you probably think of Mothers Day as a special day. Not in retail it isn't. We deal with those who exhibit their passive aggressive tendencies and unresolved anger towards their mothers. They come in, on their way to visit them, demanding item X that was in the catalogue... the one that started last week... and are surprised to find we are sold out. For the record there is no mysterious "out back" in our shop and yes, we are sure of this.

Better yet they come in asking for Y that is, and always has been, an exclusive of a certain department store, and are surprised that we can't do anything except advise them to travel 20 minutes down the road to that store. You don't want to go "all that way" for the woman that gave birth to you? Fine! Just don't linger in front of our perfume cabinets like we are going to magically make it appear from that mysterious "out back"... those companies pay for that exclusivity and guard it like an enraged mother bear.

Even the council has got in the act this year and has done something special for Mothers Day. They moved the barriers to the other side of the road. Now when we pass by, we scrape along the low hedges that fringe the edges of the cafés. From our lofty height we can peer onto the plates of celebratory meals as we go by. We can even see the look of unease in their eyes... justified unease given the skills of some of the drivers might one add.

So for those of you who are mothers, may you have a wonderful day of being plied with carefully burnt toast, tepid tea and lovingly slopped juice. All the while secure in the knowledge that there is probably a huge mess waiting for you when you leave the sanctuary of the bedroom. And may they not grow up to be like the thoughtless cunts one gets to meet.