Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Boundary failures

A lot of people embarking on BDSM relationships start off in the bedroom only. In some ways we did too. Well we were a bit more organic and of course with us the lines got blurred very fast. As some of you may have gathered by now we don't have a lot of sex in the bedroom... well we do, but it only accounts for some of it. What started as sex became can you get me a drink very fast... well the chances were that we were in the kitchen already. Sometimes pressed up against the fridge itself... see one of the great joys of no children is that you can do this sort of stuff J

Now our Tuesday night vanillas seem to have no such blurring. As far as one can make out from our many chats they seem to have spheres of influence. Usually things that are important to them. The bedroom is his domain. And they have more sex than any couple one has ever met. Hell they even put us to shame.
It is interesting to note that they have been together a long time... longer than us. Maybe the secret to a long term relationship is sex... lots and lots of it... and someone needs to be dedicated to instigating it on a regular basis otherwise sex is one of those things that gets put on the back burner very quickly... too tired, too busy, too stressed, not in the mood...
Anyway back to this...

In spite of all of our discussions about how their relationship functions... we do a lot of chatting about their relationship because their relationship is fascinating... on the face of it she rules the roost, but when you scratch around there are odd little things that crop up... it is still something of a mystery how it actually works. Part of the trouble one has is trying to work out how you can have a relationship with all these lines in the sand. That's your sphere of influence, this is mine... It's hard to understand because as a person one would just have to coast over their boundaries... to slip a toe in their space. It would be too deliciously tempting for words.

Before you could say wink they would be flat on their back handcuffed to the railing of the bed... while one ruffled through all their stuff just for fun.

Meh maybe there is a reason why one chose to enter a relationship with someone who had no concept of boundaries at all... well other peoples at any rate J


Kitty - The Submissive Wife said...

I have always thought that the secret to a great relationship is comparable sex drives.

Not necessarily lots of sex; rather, either both like it all the time, both don't like it all the time or somewhere in the middle.

It's when you get a person that wants to do it day and night with someone who is happy once a month or so that other problems surface.

Just one of my many theories. This one, though, has survived the years of experience. So far.

Master's piece said...

Oh one thinks you are right about compatibility, it is just that one suspects lots of sex creates bonding and intimacy as well as stress relief... all of which flow onto the relationship itself. It's very hard to be cranky and distant if you are banging each others brains out on a regular basis :D

dancingbarez said...

I agree with the compatibility issue as well. It is important to have a comparable sex drive. I know I personally get pretty out of sorts if I want it and Master does not which luckily does not happen often. I get that way if I don't get pain for a while (like 3 days in a row) too.

Kitty - The Submissive Wife said...

There is something to be said for pushing past everything else and starting the sex.

People would be happier with more of it, I think - but sometimes it's the starting, not the drive?

@Dancingbarez... I am noticing a pain thing too - well, more of a spanking thing.

Vixen B-Ab said...

M and I are compatible with the sex drive as well as we had the same life goals when we met so we meshed pretty seamlessly..

Boundaries? You're allowed those??


Master's piece said...

@Vixen No... it doesn't mean one can't erect them :)