Saturday, November 12, 2011

Hell... on earth

He came marching along, preceded by a vanguard of elves liveried in bright red and green. All around him swirled jazz musicians, carollers and hordes of small, screaming children. With great pomp and ceremony he mounted the enormous sled and took up position on the red seat... no sitting on Santa's knee for this generation of boys and girls... oh no, they get to sit next to him. The photographers took up their stations and held back by only a gold coloured rope, the crowd formed an enormous, ragged queue that stretched across the doorways of most of the businesses in our arm of the shopping centre.

Then the noise really began as the jazz musicians clustering to pump out hearty refrains of assorted Christmas melodies linked by rifts of blaring sound. They were joined by the carollers who took up stations opposite to sing completely different songs. In between all of this chaos danced small, precocious girls in leotards and antlers. All the while small humans dressed as presents cavorted around with the Cat in the Hat.

Still a little unsure what he has to do with Christmas.

This was topped off by the hoards of screaming children and air-conditioning that cannot compete with the old style halogen lights in the shop.

So let us see...
  • Screaming... check
  • Carollers... check
  • Indifferent jazz... check
  • Christmas songs... check
  • An iconic figure dressed in red... check
  • Children... check
  • Horns... check
  • Incredible heat... check

Yep, hell has opened its portals L

3 comments:

littlemonkey said...

BWAHAHAHA!!!!

I'm right there with you on this one, sister!

lil said...

And evil shall flow out onto the earth.

I want to stay home. Until January...A rule that He unkindly denies me. Sigh*

Vixen4770 said...

Chrismas shopping should be done manditorily online. I avoid the Malls at this time of year like they have bubonic plague. In honor of your personal sacrifice piece, I will refrain from throwing you under the bus until this horrendous season is over.


Maybe