Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Hard line

In the group at the moment there is a debate going on as to whether leasing is the same as owning. Unfortunately it is laid over someone's personal grief, but often debates get started over the strangest of issues and where people least expect them. People are wondering why we are being so mean about the whole thing. Well here is why... for those who are genuinely interested.

The group was formed for those in co-habiting O/p relationships. Long term can't/ won't leave relationships in which people often do some serious rewiring of their properties psyche. Now we have tried to keep the group open to those who are genuinely interested, working on it, have tripped and fallen down the hole and those who have been there. What we were never designed for was those who fell down it and now want to call it something else that fits in with their circumstances.

See there is a hell of a difference between owning something and leasing it. Well there is in this country at any rate. Here when you lease something you can call it yours and treat is like it is, but there are things you can't do. You can't rip out walls, rewire the place to make room for your new fan, hang pictures on the walls, change the colour scheme or decide you want to concrete over the lawn. Well you can, but there is going to be horrible financial repercussions if you do. The bottom line is you can call it yours, but it is a lease and as we much we like to think of them as being the same, they are not and never will be the same thing.

Now when you own something you have a lot more latitude... within the building regulations. He has done some serious renovating, including rewiring whole sections and making changes that are probably quite irreversible. It has been done because for a number of reasons most of them aesthetic to him. And He has been able to do it because he owns one small slave's arse.

Of course people are looking at this and going, but what if this happens to me? What if my relationship crumbles and falls?

Well just so we are clear, you will be former owners and property. We as a group will still support you, love you, hang out with you and try to help in any way we can. What we won't do is change the group description to include your rebranding of your relationship. Still think we are big meany pants for doing this?

Consider this...
There are lots of groups for TNG's usually under 35. Now people found and join those groups and never give a moments thought to what happens when they turn 35. Having watched them though, one can tell you exactly what happens. They get removed, no matter what or how long they have contributed. It is nearly always ugly... it is a bit like leaving the church one imagines. It means the person loses a part of their identity and it is bad enough that many move on to other groups of ex TNGers, often sounding as bitter as they feel.

We don't do that to group members, but we do ask that you don't try and rebrand your relationship and expect us to smile and move over to include it. You are in an O/p relationship that failed... it's that simple and that complicated. Don't try and tell us it was a leasing arrangement in a group that is about being owned. It's just not going to happen because that is not what we discuss. 

3 comments:

Ms D said...

That's good because the way we are heading, I'm going to be former property pretty damn soon.

Well said, MP.

Master's piece said...

And you will always be welcome... Half of the troubles people have is they see the couples who are doing it and don't stop to think about the blood, sweat and tears that all of us have shed. Not to mention those that simply don't make it, despite trying so damn hard. It is important that people see all of it. How else are people going to learn if not from frank discussions from all sides of this stuff.
Mind you if you come in and tell people nothing lasts forever one will smack you on the nose... repeatedly if necessary :D

Vixen B-Ab said...

I don't see a damn thing wrong with the groups rules nor do I see anything wrong with the way you handle people. I think they consider a "lease" arrangement because if it is permanent then it is a (makes horrified noise) COMMITMENT.