More from the mailbag

One of the readers had an interesting question about anal sex and rather than struggle with the vagaries of the phone, one thought it would be easier to put it here. Besides some of it might be of use to others.

Now the reader is a lucky man; his partner likes anal sex. The trouble is that life gets in the way and anal sex can be a little patchy, making it hard to keep things regular and to keep the anal sex up, so that it isn't like starting from scratch.

So his question was twofold; how to keep the interest up and how to keep things relaxed... other than butt plugs J

First let one just say that if one could answer that one would probably become a guru... so instead one is going to jot down some random thoughts on the matter.

What works for us is the word no was pretty much removed from our sex life... and damned if that doesn't make things a lot easier. Of course we also removed some of that pesky consent stuff as well. Oh and use plugs to keep things open...

But we also made some choices in that we do more anal than any other type of sex. So for us sex is set up from the perspective of anal... in essence we changed the focus of our sex life... if that makes sense? It was because we both prefer it, but also it keeps one small slave mindful that orgasms are a privilege that He allows, rather than a natural result of sex.

Now having said all of that... one is acutely aware that those solutions are not for everyone... not everyone can just shove their partner over a bench and take what they want... probably a shame, but all relationships are different. And bearing in mind that one has no idea of the specifics of the reader's dynamic one has had some ideas.

• You might not be in a power exchange, but that doesn't mean you can't make some rules for a night... silly things like you can't have an orgasm from (insert sex act of choice here) unless there is something in your arse.
• While one understands that butt plugs are not for everyone there is no reason why you couldn't buy something like the Jewelled/ Rosebud butt plug. They are pretty enough to appeal to most women... who can resist a bright shiny object? Rather than using them for long term wear why not use them before you have anal sex... actually why not insert them before ordinary sex? It could be inserted while you are doing the dishes or having a shower or whatever your evening routine might be.
• Which brings us to another point... don't overlook that shower. It is a wonderful time to reconnect with a partner. It is warm, there is soothing water, plenty of soap... take it as a chance to relax them while feeling them up. It is also a wonderful opportunity to wash everything and help loosen things up a little first.

Though one would like to point out that His version of I'm bored now (five minutes into that process) let's move straight to the anal, doesn't work with many women... well none one has ever met at any rate L

All joking apart though it is probably worth pointing out that He always makes one feel like a sexual person... we might be best friends, but we are the kind of friends with benefits. See women are strange creatures in that sex makes us feel sexy and sexy makes us sexual which leads to more sex. Where men seem to go wrong is that they think that sex leads to more sex... they miss that crucial step in between... or more importantly don't seem to cash in on it as ably as they could. Most men think of an orgasm as the destination and forget that the journey is most of the fun.

See rather than kissing, cuddling and feeling their partner up and wandering off to do something else they push the attack. Sometimes playing tease is the best aphrodisiac to a woman... they are predators given half a chance J Mostly though it is a great way to keep sex at the forefront of the brain rather than on the back burner of life. You might not have time to do anything about it now, but there is no reason why you can't plant a seed for later.