Letting go

Some of the fantasies one has have been buried for a long time. They were never allowed out because one simply wasn’t living with someone whom they could be shared with, and to be honest the trouble with fantasies, when you share them and enact on them, is that they lose their power. They simply don’t work as well ever again. You inject reality into them and they become all about the fact that the human body won’t bend that way, or your body parts collide at the wrong time or someone goes left when in your mind they go right... it is always a bit of a let down on some level. Not to mention that you have to go back to the drawing board to find more mind fodder and hone and polish the idea. As you can see there are no control issues here... ahem.

So one can understand why, when you are contemplating living a way you have always fantasised about, it creates similar issues. On one hand it is important to have a clear idea of what you want. You need to understand yourself well enough that you are in a place to have a small checklist of things that are important to you. How else are you going to find a like minded person to share your life with and avoid the trap of sub frenzy... though one is still a little unclear as to why that seems to make some suspend all common sense, but that is another rant one suspects. Anyway, back to the fight of fantasy vs. reality....

On the other hand there is a problem when the list has become so entrenched that no one will ever come up to the bench mark of your fantasy. If you persist in looking for this person, even though you haven’t met them and time is marching on because you have faith and you know that your way is the right way, you stand a very good chance of ending up alone. When they have been built up into this all seeing, all knowing person who is going to respect all your boundaries, that you have spent years developing, you may be disappointed.

In part the issue is that these relationships just don’t work that way... mainly because they usually have very clear ideas of what they want and an expectation that the relationship is about them as the focus. What usually seems to happen is that you meet someone and they take over the bits of your life that interest them little by little. They pick away at your walls and boundaries until one day you wake up and find that you don’t have them... or what you have left are completely new ones that they have fashioned out of your bricks. You give them what they ask for, not always without a struggle one is the first to admit, and learn to deal with the fact that they go left when in your mind they should go right. That is what giving up control is all about.

Of course you won’t ever get to find this out if you do not step off the edge of the rabbit hole and just let go for long enough to try.