Thursday, January 6, 2011

The shopping cure

Lying in bed the other day He asks are we going to do anything this week? Well if you have some shopping to do one wouldn’t mind hitting the sales... will buy you sushi for lunch, one proffered as a bribe in a coaxing tone. Now He is a rare creature, a man who likes to shop and as it turned out He did have a small list of geeky things and Christmas money burning a hole in the wallet. So on Tuesday, which turned out to be a vile hot day, we trotted off in the pursuit of air-con on a larger scale than we possess. Unfortunately every man, woman and their snotty nosed child had the same idea.

The place was a seething, teeming mass of people, all wandering with an infuriating aimlessness. Their numbers made you feel like you were wading upstream and produced an uncomfortable, claustrophobic sensation that even He didn’t enjoy. Though some of them sported bags, you got the sense that really all they were doing was staving off the inevitable and avoiding going back outside. Which was ironic because the heat combined with the sheer volume of people meant that the air-con was struggling to cope and it was barely cool.

Normally this would not deter one small intrepid shopper, but He had a contingency plan. Before leaving home the butt plug had been put into an already tender arse. By the time we had fought our way through to the desired destination it was starting to rub. As we started to go back the rub was an excruciating burn that could not be ignored. When He suggested going home one almost sobbed with relief and gratitude. He smirked!


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