Monday, March 7, 2011


We spent the day in town wandering aimlessly while frittering money. For the record it is not the car repairs that are the real cost, it is the wandering in the city while you wait. The credit card is curled in a foetal position, uttering a keening sound while rocking backwards and forwards... it is distressing the other cards. And to be honest one is mimicking it, but for other reasons.

He happily wandered around replacing some DVDs with Blu-ray copies... there were some deals where the third one is free. One of the things He picked up was “Showgirls”... probably the worst movie ever made. Now there are movies one is proud to say one has never seen... “The Sound of Music” and “Showgirls” are two of them. Upon seeing the odd scene out of them one has always fled to the safety of another room.

This was a state He decided to rectify by ordering one to watch it. Now He says it is because one needs a benchmark of truly awful... it already was even after only five minutes of an earlier showing... which led one to believe it was a punishment for some horrible deed one couldn’t remember. That or it was a complete abuse of power... which one still suspects was the case. So as one sat there over lunch contemplating which transgression had led to this, He laid down the viewing rules.

As a person one has a tendency to watch things while doing other things... wandering out to the kitchen for snacks, plucking eyebrows, checking on Fet, snoozing if it is really boring... you are getting the idea. He wanted undivided attention and it seems He was paying more attention to one’s inattention than first realised. One small slave was threatened with bondage for noncompliance... and the heart surged with hope. There is nothing nicer than a snooze while tied up.

That was not the plan... He had a contingency plan. A plan so awful one sat there in stunned disbelief. The idea was that while tied up the TV would be put on an annoying volume, thereby rendering sleep impossible, and He would come in periodically to test one on the dialogue... failure would result in the movie being put on from the start. He figured it would take hours and hours of repeat screenings before one had the dialogue down pat. It is worth noting that He was not planning on being present during the repeat showings... that should warn you how bad the movie is.

So we watched it... and it was horrid... and all whimpers and attempts to burrow under covers were met with a stern command to watch the movie. All those breasts cannot overcome excruciating dialogue and no talent. It is the law of diminishing returns... when confronted with more of a good thing eventually the mind starts to want something else... anything else... an intermission would have been good... hell an end to it all would have been better. And worst of all one can see where this is going... future bad behaviour is going to be met with “Showgirls”. This was just the aversion therapy stage L

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