Finding your own kind

Before the advent of the internet if you were kinky, meeting your own kind was far more fraught. Oh there were clubs, but you had to be in the know to find them. That or you found them via small select publications, mailed out to you in discreet envelopes, after you had found their address in some other sleazy location. It was that or you hoped to hell the gods were kind and sent someone your way. It was all a bit random really.

The net changed all of that. These days Google is your friend, and you can find a fetish site without leaving the comfort of your chair.  As with all things easy  though it has led to other complications. A major complication is the fantasist. You can find them on any board, and boy can they talk the talk... ad infinitum if you aren't careful L

They are the ones who have plans of domination and being dominated. Despite a depressing lack of any evidence of success, it is all beautifully clear in their own minds. They discuss strategies and techniques endlessly, and share the wealth of their knowledge willingly. They blaze across the sky like belligerent comets, spewing talk in their wake about how hard core and extreme they are or have been or will be in the future. And they bestow it incessantly upon anyone who will listen... preferably without calling them on their shit.

Strangely enough people do actually listen too. They become involved with these people and share their struggles to find the one who will be right for them. The struggles are mighty and valiant and protracted. All the while the seeker's views become more hard core and entrenched, and the aperture through which they view the world, and the people in it, becomes increasingly narrow. They know what they want, and they will accept no substitutes.

Personally one watches them with the same keen interest an ornithologist bestows upon birds. Without the messy tramping around and sitting in hides though... In part because it really is the bird watching of the computer age and well... one really is a nosy as one claims... and they are fascinating to a people watcher.

Normally if you want to find anything you need to research, to advertise, to network and they do all those things. They often find people in their search too... the trouble is that it is never the right one. There is always something wrong with them; not submissive, dominant, bent, slim, manly or feminine enough. The thing is in all of these cases the common denominator is the seeker. And as grandma once said to mother, in regards to her second husbands six previous wives, all those women can't be wrong. As it turned out grandma was right, but that is a story for another time... back to the case at hand.

See one deeply suspects that in the process of figuring out what they want, they lose all of the flexibility that you need to keep an open mind, and the adaptability that is needed in any successful human relationship. They seem to not realise that honing their fantasy mate will keep them from finding someone, almost as surely as being in love with an ex or a deceased spouse will. So one watches them statistically reduce their chances with every passing year. And it has been years... five in one or two cases... that some have been doing this on public boards. 

And no one ever stops to ask why are these people alone. Mind you they never seem to wonder if the person has ever asked that of themselves either, so maybe it is all a bit too much reality for any of them...  Maybe the joy of the fantasist is just that... the lack of reality. You can suspend all critical thinking skills and sink into their existence without having to ask questions... rather like a good book.