Saturday, June 4, 2011

SSC vs. RACK vs. Us

Some of us don't practise either. Now before you start chanting slogans, look at this from our point of view. We have been together for a long time and while He hasn't achieved godling status, he does understand one quite well. And He understands his desires very well. Now if the damn things would just sync up we could both be happy at the same time J

From our perspective the anagrams above are probably a collection of concepts that work quite well... particularly if you are in a new relationship/ scene. When you try to put them into this type of relationship they aren't going to work so well. If only because for things to work with two INTJ's, they have to be definable on some level and most of them are quite subjective when you start to pull them apart. In our relationship all of these were such slippery terms they have no relevance. In fact they can impede its progress and negate His power.

Safe is a subjective term at best. What is safe... thinking nothing will happen to you? As one has mentioned before the safe call is a misnomer and believing in it will do little to protect you. Even a safeword will only work if the person you are with is going to respect it. The whole idea of safe is a construct designed to make you feel OK about closing your eyes at night. Doing it during the day... well that's just asking for it.

Seriously sane? By who's definition? Many would argue that some of us have only a passing grip on it and under the right circumstances eg. grief, rage or even love, strong emotions can loosen the most tenacious hold quite easily. Everyone if pushed can simply cease to be sane... even if it is only momentary... but a moment is all you need. Now in a public place your chances of finding a knight in shining armour decrease proportionately to the size of the crowd (the bystander effect), but in private you are on your own.

As for consensual... again one of those things that is probably useful during a scene in a public place, but see above and you realise you are on your own when behind closed doors. In this relationship it was easier to dump the idea altogether. Oh we talk about things all the time, but the reality is if He wasn't doing shit one had no interest in, we would never do anything new J

Which brings us to RACK... Risk Aware... yeah nice idea, but anytime He does something new unforseen shit happens. That is how you learn. All the planning in the world won't get you round the unforseen. Most of it is flying by the seat of your pants at best... though it always seems to be one small slave's seat L

Consensual... well as you are starting to realise reading this blog a very good portion of what we do isn't consensual. And you know something? That's OK. It works for us.

Kink? A lot of our life is almost depressingly normal... to the extent that normal will take over if it can. To be honest one is not even sure if power exchanges are kink. We all do them to some extent every day; we work for others, we use public transport, we swim, we cross roads... the list is endless. In each and every one of them we are engaged in some sort of power exchange by the very virtue of the fact that we are not in charge of the outcome. Oh we can mitigate the circumstances by being cautious, but at the end of the day... fate can step in. To be honest the term power exchange is a bit of a misnomer as well... it is more of a one way street. Though it could be argued that with great power comes great responsibility so there is an exchange going on there... just not the kind most have in mind.

Mind you though the thought of chanting that's not consensual at him is kinda tempting. If only to see the look of quizzical disbelief flit across His face. It will be the fleeting look before annoyance. Then the eyebrow will cock above those limpid blue eyes and there will that moment... the one in which there is about a nanosecond where one gets to decide the easy way or the hard way. Still... tempting...

1 comment:

Arianthe said...

Great post, Mp. I agree completely.

I think they are useful frameworks for abstract discussion but in practical terms are no replacement for good communication skills.

Neither has a place in our relationship.

Ms D