Sunday, December 19, 2010

Down, but not out

Yesterday one left work early, slept for 15 hours before waking this morning to do an assisted crawl to the doctors. After making one do deep breaths he asks where is the pain? All around the ribcage now that you made one do that, was the snarky reply. Hmmm he says, well you have the early stages of pleurisy. This is when your body fights it or succumbs to it.

So what happens now? Well you need to go home rest, drink plenty of fluids, take Panadol for the fever and sleep. Take this script in case it gets worse. Worse? Well yes if you start to cough up anything yellow he says smiling that nice professional smile. Oh and you need to keep taking deep breaths. The ones that make the cough start and the lungs feel like they are on fire one asked in a less than enthusiastic tone.

Small point one rarely gets sick and one is the worse patient in the world. All one wants is the food/ beverage fairy to make regular deliveries, bad TV and to sleep. He of course takes this as an opportunity to do a little aversion therapy. Every time one isn’t looking a hand snakes out and pinches a nipple. The automatic reaction is to slap it... which starts the coughing off again. Grumbling (did mention lousy patient right?) one suggests He might like to bugger off. To which He says if you stop moving you won’t cough.

Oh yes and the TV? His selection is a nice range of comedies that make one laugh and you guessed it... cough. It is to keep the lungs nice and clear. Apparently. Honestly it is like being looked after by Nurse Ratchet. A version that doesn’t cook....

To all those slaves out there; those that feel bad when your Master looks after you when you are sick, who feel guilty and all that stuff that he has to do it... Wanna swap? Stop laughing you miserable bitches...
Disclaimer; running a temperature and one takes no responsibility for the content of this post.


xantu said...

And here I was all miserable with a runny nose and a stuffy head... and a Master that was running out to buy me medicine and soup. Thank you for making me feel better in comparison. My only "one up" I can think of is that I got sick on the first day of my vacation.

KellyRed said...

BWahahahahah! Am I a miserable bitch because I no longer feel miserable? Why yes, yes I am. *gloat*

(seriously, I hope you feel better very soon)