Thursday, December 23, 2010

Sitting on Santa’s knee

The other day one sidled up to the portly gentleman on Fet and whispered very quietly into his ear what one would like from him. It was a purely indulgent list of girly things and there was not one owie, zappy thing in sight. Though one did look longingly at the latex kimonos which were just beautiful... if somewhat dangerous to a girl with latex allergies. Naturally being a secret squirrel one felt no need to share this list with anyone... including He who is in charge.

The other morning He hopped into bed looking smug. Now, one was running a hell of a temperature, and frankly one was too sick to ask why. This morning one had a little more air and was able to talk rather than pointing and waving feebly, so one enquired what He had been up to. Oh just using your name in vain was the evasive reply. Would you care to clarify one asked? Well if you must know I put in a list with Santa in your name.

WTF one had already done that. The system isn’t supposed to let you do it again. How the hell did that happen? I don’t know, but it did and it even printed out a little list for all your friends to laugh at was the calm reply. You can imagine the shock one received, when stumbling into the study chair (it is a convenient way station to the bathroom) and seeing His list.  In place of the interesting sex toys and velvet corsets were the trilogy of the unholy electrical appliances.

Scuttling back to the bedroom, much faster than one had left it might one add, and collapsing on the bed one managed to gasp out a why, before being racked with coughing. He peered at one the way you do a bug that lands on your furniture and said well it is my vote to do with what I want. But you had one of your own, was wheezed out between coughs. Yes, but this way I get two was the smug reply.

Dear Santa.
Having been a very bad girl this year, one feels it is only right that one should willingly relinquish any and all claim to presents on Fet. There also seems to have been an error with the system that shouldn’t happen. Honestly, in the interest of fairness, this is for the best.

Yours sincerely
Master’s piece


Storm said...

i apologize, this comment is completely lacking in sympathy. LMAO. i love the humor you write with and i have to say this post is hilarious.
Feel better soon (okay, not completely lacking sympathy).

Master's piece said...

Glad you are enjoying the blog and that it makes you laugh :D