Thursday, December 30, 2010

The first time

The trouble with getting older seems to be that you lose so many little bits of memory. Things like the first time you had sex with a man... something you think would stick. Personally one started the whole sexual experimentation thing with girls and frankly one prefers them. They are far more of a challenge in some ways; no two are ever alike. At about 16 one considered the idea of boys... well everyone else was doing them so why not?

After selecting an unsuitable candidate (16 remember) one went about the whole process with terrifying speed. Well it seems that way looking back. At the time it all seemed so reasonable. He chased while one ran in a coquettish pattern straight towards him.

All of this culminated in the most boring night of one’s sexual life. See the moral of this story is don’t sleep with a virgin collector. They aren’t being careful as they claim; they are hiding a complete lack of talent that they are hoping you will be too naive to notice. Unfortunately one did, in fact the overwhelming thought was- that was it? Well that and to wonder is anyone could actually see that one had crossed the mysterious barrier into woman hood.

The very fact that no one noticed allowed one to embark on an early path to self destruction. Of course one didn’t see it that way at the time. In fact one preferred to think of it as having a good time. It was at this time that one started to not go to school (well one went, one just didn’t stay there) and to go out at night.

See at the time one didn’t sleep in the house as one had moved into the shed that Uncle had built as a cubby house for one as a child. He was very handy and so was Auntie for that matter. The place had a lounge, a table and a bed and other assorted necessities. It was close enough to the house that one could use the facilities and turn up for meals and far enough away that it was at the first gate to the back of the property.

That gate allowed access to the neighbour’s fence and their long driveway to freedom. It is fair to say that as a teen one was rarely home at night. There were always more interesting things to do like clubbing, going to see "Rocky Horror" at the Avon Theatre and driving around the miles of dark country roads that isolated one from the bright lights that one adored.

In fact one slept so little at night that one used to come home from school and crash for a few hours before dinner. It was at this time one perfected the afternoon nap. A skill that stood one in good stead later...

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